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The Weekend Mauling: 9.23.2023
Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins. Homer Simpson, smiling politely.
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The Daily Mauling: 9.22.2023
That was just one little insignificant mosquito. That can’t change the future, right? Right?
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The Daily Mauling: 9.21.2023
Then I’m sentencing you to one week of the lowest... most degrading work known to man - janitorial work!
The Daily Mauling: 9.20.2023
I feel terrible. The Van Houtens split up at our party. Marge, please. That was 20 minutes ago.
The Daily Mauling: 9.19.2023
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now, quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.
The Daily Mauling: 9.18.2023
Oh. Sorry, Marge. Wrong tape. "Welcome to the jungle We got fun and games"
The Weekend Mauling: 9.16.2023
Tonight, Sherbert’s... Schubert’s Unfinished Symphony. Oh good. Unfinished. This shouldn’t take long.
The Daily Mauling: 9.15.2022
Then I’ll just stick by you in secret. Like a sock maker working on a top secret sock- Will you stop looking at your feet?!
The Daily Mauling: 9.14.2023
Hi, everybody! Ho...mer Simp...son. Okay, that was a little strange.
The Daily Mauling: 9.13.2023
Isn’t it amazing, the same day you got a pool... is the same day we realized we liked you?Isn’t it amazing, the same day you got a pool... is the same day we realized we liked you?
The Daily Mauling: 9.12.2023
Hey, Homer, you wanna get a beer on the way home? I can’t. I gotta take my wife to the ballet. Gonna go see the bear in the little car, huh?
The Daily Mauling: 9.11.2023
Well, you’re certainly doing your job today, Mr. Sun.
The Weekend Mauling: 9.9.2023
Boy, they’re really socking it to that Spiro Agnew guy again. He must work there or something.
The Gameday Mauling: 9.8.2023
Ohh. I just don’t want to be here, Dad. Besides, I started a fire this morning that I really should keep an eye on.
The Daily Mauling: 9.7.2023
Quoth the raven..." Eat my shorts!
The Daily Mauling: 9.6.2023
I am so smart! I am so smart! I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T, I mean, S-M-A-R-T.
The Daily Mauling: 9.5.2023
The simpsons
The Labor Day Mauling: 9.4.2023
Ladies, please. All our founding fathers, astronauts and World Series heroes have been either drunk or on cocaine.
The Weekend Mauling: 9.2.2023
Tonight on Eye on Springfield... opening day at the world’s first two-story outhouse.
The Gameday Mauling: 9.1.2023
This is even more painful than it looks.
The Daily Mauling: 8.31.2023
Do Sonny and Cher still have that stupid show? No, she won an Oscar and he’s a congressman. Good night!
The Daily Mauling: 8.30.2023
Don’t blame me. I voted for Kodos.
The Daily Mauling: 8.29.2023
2-4-6-8, Homer’s crime was very great. Great meaning large or immense. We use it in the pejorative sense.
The Daily Mauling: 8.28.2023
Guess what, Homie? There’s going to be twice as much love in this house as there is now. We’re gonna start doin’ it in the morning?
The Weekend Mauling: 8.26.2023
Marge, I have my pride. I’m going to go to night school, earn my high school diploma... and get back my Most lmproved Odor trophy!
The Daily Mauling: 8.25.2023
Homie, come to bed. Homer, go back to the garage…
The Daily Mauling: 8.24.2023
There is a poisoned one— isn’t there, Smithers? Uh, no, sir. I discussed this with our lawyers. They consider it murder. Damn their oily hides!
The Daily Mauling: 8.23.2023
And look - new hair! I’m this close to having a comb-over.
The Daily Mauling: 8.22.2023
Being a clown sucks. Kicked by kids, bit by dogs, and admired by the elderly. Who am I clowning? I have no business being a clown. I’m leaving the clowning business to the other clowns in the clowning business.
The Daily Mauling: 8.21.2023
Oh, relax, kids. I’ve got a gut feeling Uter’s around here somewhere. After all, isn’t there a little Uter in all of us? In fact, you might even say we just ate Uter... and he’s in our stomachs right now! Wait, scratch that one.
The Weekend Mauling: 8.19.2023
It’s the Krusty Komedy Klassic. Hey, hey! It’s great to be back at the Apollo Theater and- "K.K.K."? That’s not good…
The Daily Mauling: 8.18.2023
But I keep telling you, I’m not a pilot! And I keep telling you, you fly boys crack me up!
The Daily Mauling: 8.17.2023
You’re right. First thing tomorrow, I’m gonna punch Lenny in the back of the head.
The Daily Mauling: 8.16.2023
Ohh, if he thinks George Bush will stay out of the sewer, he doesn’t know George Bush