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The Daily Mauling: 9.22.2021

Well, we better leave him in there. Moving him now could kill him and tire us out.

The Daily Mauling: 9.21.2021

Take a look at this, Lisa. You don’t see any ‘Homer Is A Dope’ t-shirts, do you?

The Daily Mauling: 9.20.2021

Stupid TV. Be more funny!

The Gameday Mauling: 9.18.2021

I’ve got two words for you: ‘mellow out, man’!

The Daily Mauling: 9.17.2021

Please take the fries off my head, kid. The basket is extremely hot.

The Daily Mauling: 9.16.2021

Strike three, Marge! I remember that meeting and I have a photographic memory.

The Daily Mauling: 9.15.2021

Son, I represent a group of oil tycoons who make foolish purchases. We already bought us a stained glass bathrobe and the world’s fattest racehorse. And now we need your ice man

The Daily Mauling: 9.14.2021

I have laryngitis and it hurts to talk, so I’ll just say one thing: you never do anything right

The Daily Mauling: 9.13.2021

Oh my God, space aliens! Don’t eat me, I have a wife and kids! Eat them!

The Weekend Mauling: 9.11.2021

Why, there are no children here at the 4H club, either! Am I so out of touch? No, it’s the children who are wrong.

The Daily Mauling: 9.10.2021

That’s how it is, though. One day your wife is making you your favourite meal, the next day you’re thawin’ a hot dog in a gas station sink

The Daily Mauling: 9.9.2021

There goes the last lingering thread of my heterosexuality

The Daily Mauling: 9.8.2021

Hey, Homer. Wing me another one of them, uh…burgers, would you? Can’t quite seem to…stand up under my own power anymore.

The Labor Day Mauling: 9.6.2021

Well, well. Look who it is. Mr ‘I don’t need alcohol to enjoy life’.

The Daily Mauling: 9.4.2021

Mr. Plow, for making it possible for people to get where they’re going without resorting to public transportation or car-pooling, I give you the key to the city

The Gameday Mauling: 9.3.2021

‘Lisa is an outstanding student with a slight tendency toward know-it-all-ism’

The Daily Mauling: 9.2.2021

Nice try, Floyd, but you were designed for scrubbing, and scrubbing is what you shall do.

The Daily Mauling: 9.1.2021

"Try not to speak. It’s making your body ripple."

The Daily Mauling: 8.31.2021

Ooh, they have the internet on computers now.

The Daily Mauling: 8.30.2021

Hey, Bart. Your epidermis is showing!

The Daily Mauling: 8.27.2021

‘Meditations on Turning Eight’, by Lisa Simpson. ‘I had a cat named Snowball, she died, she died! Mom said she was sleeping, she lied, she lied! Why, oh why is my cat dead? Couldn’t that Chrysler hit me instead?’

The Daily Mauling: 8.25.2021

Stupid sexy Flanders!

The Daily Mauling: 8.24.2021

Cover me, Sarge. I’m going after Bart’s soul. *If the Ayatollah can’t have it, no-one can*

The Weekend Mauling: 8.21.2021

Authorities believe the wave of towel snappings will get worse before it gets better.

The Daily Mauling: 8.20.2021

Hidely-ho, slaverinos!

The Daily Mauling: 8.19.2021

"That’s right! *Dead* serious about going to Itchy & Scratchy Land!"

The Daily Mauling: 8.18.2021

"Facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true. Facts schmacts."

The Daily Mauling: 8.17.2021

I have frozen myself so I may live to see the wonders of the future. Thaw me out when robot wives are cheap and effective. P.S, please alter my pants as fashion dictates

The Daily Mauling: 8.16.2021

*I have to go now. My planet needs me.*

The Weekend Mauling: 8.14.2021

Nudist colonies are everywhere these days. I’d love to go but I…can’t get the wrinkles out of my birthday suit

The Daily Mauling: 8.13.2021

You take a dash of Dad, a pinch of Mom. Then we bake for nine months and…Mmm, that’s good Billy!

The Daily Mauling: 8.10.2021

Er, uh, well…in light of these new facts of which I now realise I was largely aware, I must take action

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