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The Weekend Mauling: 4.30.2022
Yeah, right, pops. No jury in the world’s gonna convict a baby…maybe Texas
The Daily Mauling: 4.29.2022
Ow! My bones are so brittle! But I always drink plenty of...malk?!
The Daily Mauling: 4.28.2022
You mean the mob only did me a favour to get something in return? Oh, Fat Tony! I will say good day to you, sir
The Daily Mauling: 4.27.2022
Okay, we’ll call it even if I can just have some of that big sandwich. Oh, uh...I’ll come back
The Daily Mauling: 4.26.2022
Marge. You hide in the abandoned amusement park. Lisa, the Pet Cemetery. Bart, spooky Roller Disco. And I’ll go skinny-dipping in that lake where the sexy teens were killed a hundred years ago tonight
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KU Sports Calendar for the Week of April 25, 2022
Men’s Golf headed to Big 12 Championship
The Daily Mauling: 4.25.2022
I wish more students had agreed to these electronic tracking implants. We only had one volunteer
The Weekend Mauling: 4.23.2022
Oh, doctor. I was in a wonderful place filled with fire and brimstone. There were all these guys in red pyjamas sticking pitchforks in my butt
The Daily Mauling: 4.22.2022
Hmm. I don’t agree with his Bart-killing policy, but I do approve of his Selma-killing policy
The Daily Mauling: 4.21.2022
"Please, please, kids. Stop fighting. Maybe Lisa’s right about America being the land of opportunity, and maybe Adil has a point about the machinery of capitalism being oiled with the blood of the workers."
The Daily Mauling: 4.20.22
Wait! I have an idea. These wieners will give me the quick energy I need to escape!
The Daily Mauling: 4.19.2022
Hey, Huck. What’s L-I-N-C-O-N doing here?
The Daily Mauling: 4.18.2022
Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film ‘The Neverending Story
KU Sports Calendar for the Week of April 18, 2022
Baseball plays in first Buck O’Neil Classic
The Weekend Mauling: 4.16.2022
Behind these doors, a federal judge will ladle out steaming bowls of rich, creamy justice in a case the media have dubbed…‘Beat up waiter’. This reporter suggested ‘Waitergate’, but was howled down at the press club
The Daily Mauling: 4.15.2022
To enter, send me your parents’ brains, or write ‘Parents’ Brains’ on a three-by-five card, and send it to…
The Daily Mauling: 4.14.20222
You love ballet, yet you fear the boys will laugh at you, no?
The Daily Mauling: 4.13.2022
Now, if you’ll excuse me. All this talk has made me hungry.
The Daily Mauling: 4.12.2022
I’ve decided to bring in a few ringers, professional baseballers. We’ll give them token jobs at the plant and have them play on our softball team. Honus Wagner, Cap Anson, Mordecai ‘Three-Finger’ Brown...
The Daily Mauling: 4.11.2022
I sleep in a racing car, do you?
The Weekend Mauling: 4.9.2022
Hehe, well. Maybe the paint has shut off his pores and he’s slowly suffocating. Still, that is a real fan
The Daily Mauling: 4.8.2022
Come on, Bart. Remember what Vince Lombardi said: ‘If you lose, you’re out of the family