If I’m going to come back and do this even part-time, I gotta make sure I know what I’m talking about, right?
So the very least I can do for you, dear reader, is to show you that I’m serious about KU football. To do that, let’s take a totally serious look at the schedule and how KU totally seriously goes 15-0 this year.
vs Missouri State
The Bears are picked something like 8th in the Valley? Ok cool. Let me think. The most lopsided football game in history was Georgia Tech vs Cumberland College in 1916; the Yellowjackets won 222-0. Obviously, KU is looking to make a splash with its offense this year, so clearly they’ll be shooting for a record here. I expect the Jayhawks to score 32 touchdowns on their way to a new record and a huge victory.
Kansas 224, Missouri State 0
The Illini are expected to have a tough defense and a run-oriented offense. They haven’t scored 50+ points in a game since 2018, so while they may slow the Jayhawks down, surely they won’t be able to keep up.
Kansas 20, Illinois 18
The Wolf Pack have really fallen off since the departure of Jay Norvell, losing their final 10 games of the 2022 season. The Jayhawks will be double-digit road favorites for the first time in, well, a long time, and you should totally bet the mortgage* on the ‘Hawks to cover.
(* Please don’t do that.)
Kansas 51, Nevada 3
Kansas absolutely owns the Cougars, dominating the all-time series 1-0 on the strength of a huge 23-20 win back in 1992. BYU fans may not fly their flags for years after KU ends the Cougar program once and for all in this one.
Kansas 23, BYU 20
Texas got so sick of losing to Kansas and Iowa State on the Longhorn Network that they ran to the SEC, where they can lose to Ole Miss and Arkansas on national TV instead. I say let ‘em, and send ‘em out with an updside-down peace sign (using the pinky finger, of course).
Kansas 57, Texas 56
Central Florida, as they prefer to be called, has gone bowling in 10 of the last 11 seasons, and is only six years removed from 13-0 and a claimed national championship. That’s pretty impressive. Well, it is until you remember they did it by beating programs like Tulsa, SMU, and Temple. The Knights have to play K-State and Baylor prior to their matchup with KU, so I figure they’ll be a little shell-shocked coming into Lawrence.
Kansas 13, Central Florida 0
@ Oklahoma State
Didn’t we pummel these guys last year? I can’t believe that anything has changed much. If anything, KU will be even stronger. Time to trim the mullet, coach. I feel shades of 2007 coming on.
Kansas 43, Oklahoma State 28
Kansas and Oklahoma have played 113 times in their history. KU is just 27-80-6 against the Sooners, a number that looks even worse when you consider that KU won the first 8 all-time matchups (from 1903-1910). Like Texas, Oklahoma is running off to the SEC, probably because they can’t seem to be competitive in the College Football Playoff as a member of the Big 12. Even though OU’s defense was flat-out bad last year, I feel shades of 1910 coming on for the final regular season matchup between two long-time conference foes.
Kansas 2, Oklahoma 0
@ Iowa State
I think if the Jayhawks simply bring the right cleats to this one, they’ll be fine.
Kansas 34, Iowa State 0
vs Texas Tech
I’ve watched us get destroyed by Texas Tech’s air raid too many times, and its past time for some payback. I’m not gonna lie, that one in 2008 still stings.
Kansas 63, Texas Tech 21
vs Kansas State
Psh. Easy. Just keep little brother at arms length, just like we’ve done for the last 120 years.
Kansas 65, K-State 50
These two programs have met twice, each claiming a victory over the other at home. Unfortunately for Cinci, it ain’t 1997 anymore.
Kansas 34, Cincinnati 7
At this point in the season, the Jayhawks are 12-0 and ranked #3 in the country. (We can’t get no respect.) All that’s left is a conference championship game and two playoff games. But after dominating a season like this, are you really going to continue to doubt them?
Big 12 Championship - Oklahoma
Kansas is likely to see Oklahoma here again, because we know Texas is back to not competing for championships. This one should be a little more high scoring affair than the earlier matchup in Lawrence.
Kansas 20, Oklahoma 17
Semi Final - Michigan
KU is 0-3 all-time vs Michigan, but die-hards remember that tough loss in Ann Arbor back in 1979. Time to flip the script.
Kansas 28, Michigan 7
National Championship Game - Georgia
Georgia went through the entire 2023 season without playing a team with a winning record until the SEC Championship game, and even though they made it past Alabama again, they haven’t seen anything like the 2023 Kansas Jayhawks. The Bulldogs gonna learn all about the pain that TCU felt last January.
Kansas 65, Georgia 7