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The Weekend Mauling: 8.14.2021

Nudist colonies are everywhere these days. I’d love to go but I…can’t get the wrinkles out of my birthday suit

SOCCER: AUG 10 Leagues Cup Quarterfinal - Club Leon at Sporting Kansas City Photo by Nick Tre. Smith/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

The Rock Chalkboard

Brandon's Breakdown: What will MJ Rice bring to Lawrence?
The 6-foot-5, 225-pound highly regarded prospect out of Durham (N.C.) is the Jawhawks' third pledge in the Class of 2022. He will join top-forty prospects Gradey Dick and Zuby Ejiofor as the program's incoming freshmen during the fall of next year.

Ask EBoss: Alabama's 2022 class, Cam Whitmore and much more
In this week's edition of my #AskEBoss mailbag where I take questions from my Twitter followers, I had several questions about what Nate Oats and Alabama have up their sleeves. Fast rising Cam Whitmore was a hot topic and I also had questions on Indiana, Kansas and much more.

Devin Neal's maturity impressing as much as physical stature
Nothing about Devin Neal would lead you to believe he's an incoming freshman. The four-star running back has a mature mindset about the game and is thoughtful about his improvement. He has charisma off the field and can even be heard joking around with teammates at practice.

Kansas football lands commitment from 2022 OT Joe Baker
Baker reported his KU offer back on July 30. He took a visit to see the Jayhawks, one in which he was able to interact with Kansas O-line coach Scott Fuchs. Two weeks later, he announced his commitment, sharing photos of himself in a Jayhawk jersey.

Countdown to KU football (21): What to expect from Big 12's COVID policy
"We are certainly, as we go forward, encouraging student-athletes to get vaccinated, and in doing that, [seeking] to minimize the impact that the Delta variant will have on our activities," Bowlsby said. "Frankly, anyone not getting vaccinated is taking unnecessary and unwarranted risks. And that's not just student-athletes; that's anybody in our society."

Sources -- Pac-12, Big Ten, ACC in preliminary discussions about forming alliance, likely around scheduling
"I've been in frequent and regular contact with all of the other A5 commissioners the last few weeks about the four or five complex issues that are facing our industry," Kliavkoff told ESPN on Friday night. "Anything beyond that is just speculation, and I can't comment on it."

Bits o Chalk

Man United sign Real Madrid's Raphael Varane, present him on pitch before Premier League opener
"Manchester United is one of the most iconic clubs in world football and the chance to come here and play in the Premier League is something I couldn't turn down," he said in a statement.

NBA summer league 2021 - Biggest surprises and disappointments so far in Las Vegas
Jalen Green and Jalen Suggs have had stellar performances in their summer league debuts, but are they worthy of being named the MVP of Vegas? Players like Payton Pritchard and Immanuel Quickley have impressed as "veterans" thus far, but are they ready to break out and have a standout regular season? And with non-lottery picks like Alperen Sengun and Josh Christopher showing real promise, do the Houston Rockets have the best collection of rookies in the 2021 class?

Orlando Magic rookie Jalen Suggs out for remainder of summer league with left thumb sprain
Orlando Magic rookie Jalen Suggs, the No. 5 pick in last month's NBA draft, has a left thumb sprain and will be sidelined for the remainder of NBA summer league as a precaution.

Eraser Dust

Billy Crystal Got Stoned During an MRI and Requested Taco Bell
The story is as follows: Crystal had to go into the doctor for an MRI due to what the New York Post classifies as a “health scare” without clarifying what the scare was. Crystal does not like small spaces, nor does he particularly care for the doctor, so naturally, he visited a dispensary and asked them for something that would help with anxiety. The kind employee directed him towards the “senior section,” and assured him that if he just took two, he’d be straight. However, Crystal wanted to feel more than just “good” or even “fine”—he was aiming for “fabulous,” and so he took four (?) and then proceeded about his day.

Whitefish, Columbia Falls schools announce opposite mask policies | Daily Inter Lake
Following a contentious, four-hour meeting Thursday night, the Whitefish School Board voted to require face coverings for students, staff and visitors in kindergarten through sixth grade while indoors, and is recommending masks for students, staff and visitors in seventh through twelfth grades, Superintendent Dave Means said in an email to families and school staff on Friday.

The Columbia Falls School District, meanwhile, will make masks optional for students as the new school year begins, Superintendent Dave Wick said in a recent letter to parents.

Kelly Clarkson Wants to Sell Montana Ranch Where Estranged Husband Living
Kelly, who rakes in $15 mil a month to Brandon's $10k a month, bought the ranch ... so it's hers to do with what she wants. And, we know she wants to sell. Kelly's lawyer, disso queen Laura Wasser, filed docs a while back asking the judge for permission to sell the ranch, but Brandon's lawyers objected, saying any sale would be premature since there was no ruling on the prenup.

Gov. Ron DeSantis wants schools mask mandate lawsuit tossed
TALLAHASSEE – Attorneys for Gov. Ron DeSantis asked a judge Friday to throw out a lawsuit by parents in a half-dozen Florida counties challenging the state’s ban on mandatory masks in school.

Musicians are scrapping tour dates again as COVID cases spike. See who has canceled
Other performers — such as the Foo Fighters, the Eagles, Phish, Dead & Company and Maroon 5 — are requiring concertgoers to produce proof of immunization before entering their shows.

She Quit Being an ICU Nurse to Make Six Figures on OnlyFans
“I posted a couple of photos and by the end of the day, I had 20 subscribers,” she remembers. “So, I posted every day—or every other day—and by the end of our first month, we’d made $8,000, which surpassed my monthly nursing salary. And it was COVID, so it wasn’t the most pleasant time at work. To see that much money come in with such little effort…,” she mutters, trailing off.

Poly Network Offers Reward to Hacker Who Stole $611 Million
A cryptocurrency platform that was hacked and had hundreds of millions of dollars stolen from it has now offered the thief a “reward” of $500,000 after the criminal returned almost all of the money.

Dasha Kelly, Who Raised Over $200,000 in Donations, Admits Daughters Are Not Hers
According to the Washington Post, the page raised no money at first, and then CNN ran a story on Aug. 2 and the page started popping. Kelly even sat for an interview with her three daughters and by the time the story aired kind-hearted souls began pouring out money. Kelly’s GoFundMe page raised some $100,000 despite her only asking for $2,000.

Weekend Question

What was a weird insecurity you had as a child/teenager?