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Player Ratings to the Theme of Stones

Night Court Photo by: NBCU Photo Bank/NBCUniversal via Getty Images via Getty Images

In honor of Stony Brook, let’s rate some stones, shall we?

5 Star: The Rosetta Stone

This artifact is perhaps one of the most important discoveries in human history. Without it, would we have ever figured out what the Egyptian hieroglyphics meant?

No one was a five star in this game.

4.5 Star: Moai, Easter Island

The giant heads that dot Easter Island have long been on travelers’ bucket lists, and for good reason. They look really cool and are located on one of the world’s most isolated inhabitable islands.

Ochai Agbaji had another great game after getting off to a relatively slow start. He had that run early in the second half that basically cemented the Jayhawks as runaway winners. Scored 25 tonight.

4 Star: Judge Harry T. Stone

Any fan of Night Court could regale you with moments of greatness in episode after episode from the late, great, Harry Anderson. Simultaneously the straight man and the wise cracking goof, Judge Harry T. Stone was a treasure.

Zach Clemence. This dude is going to be a player in the years to come. He’s basically what every team has had that Kansas hasn’t. A big that can drain threes. Finished with 11 points and six rebounds.

The group of Dajuan Harris, Bobby Pettiford, and Joseph Yesufu. When KU wants to get out there and run, they can get out there and run. This trio totaled 13 points and nine assists together. They also combined for three turnovers.

3.5 Star: Sharon Stone/Emma Stone

I put these two fine actresses together as I couldn’t decide who I wanted to place here. On one hand you have Sharon with such great films as Casino and Basic Instinct. On the other, Emma features in Easy A, The Help, Superbad, and Birdman.

Jalen Coleman-Lands. I’m not going to lie, I want this guy to be in the lineup more.

Christian Braun quietly put a solid night together. This dude is a great rebounder.

3 Star: Stonehenge

I feel like this attraction is the perfect 3. Really, really famous, and, depending on your expectations, quite a disappointment in real life. It goes both ways.

Mitch Lightfoot brought a spark and some composure to the 5 spot in this game.

2 Star: The Hope Diamond

While extremely valuable, I have a hard time discerning the “coolness” of this diamond. This is especially true since I know next to nothing about gemstones, and if you go to the Smithsonian Natural History Museum in Washington, DC, you can get overwhelmed by the sheer volume of other stones, often more pretty and almost always much larger.

David McCormack. Twelve points and eight boards usually doesn’t get you a two star, but this is a two star based on the eye test, and many people’s eyes are telling them that David McCormack isn’t the answer. It’s come to outright fanboying at this point to get McCormack going. The duo of Dave Armstrong and Nick Bahe were falling all over themselves when Big Dave came in and did basic big man stuff after being benched. That’s where it is with McCormack.

Remy Martin was asked to play within the offense when he got to Kansas, but zero points and two assists is probably not the way we envisioned it. Sitting for most of the second half while Pettiford and Harris ran things should motivate Remy.

1 Star: Plymouth Rock

Who cares? It’s where a boat accidentally landed. It could be anywhere and called anything. It’s not like the pilgrims were like “fictional place called Massachusetts or bust!”

No one was a one star in this one.

Lane Czaplinski Memorial No Star:

KJ Adams was used out of position and it showed. Not his fault really.

Chris Teahan and Michael Jankovich played some minutes and Jank even nailed a three.