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Notebook: Could the 2020 Team Maul the 2008 Team?

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*This is it, Homer. It’s time to tell her the terrible secret from your past.* “Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom.”

NCAA Basketball: Kansas at Texas Tech Michael C. Johnson-USA TODAY Sports

The Rock Chalkboard

How would 2019-20 KU basketball match up with 2008 title team?
For that, when KU coach Bill Self was asked about the matchup between his 2008 title team and 2019-20 No. 1-overall seed — one that never got a chance to play in the tournament because it was canceled due to concerns over coronavirus — he had to start with a caveat.

Bill Self, Les Miles featured in PSAs about combatting COVID-19
The two coaches were featured in videos on KU athletics social platforms, where they thanked essential workers and medical personnel and advised those listening to follow the suggested guidelines from organizations like the CDC.

Three KU football questions entering the summer: Running backs
Under Dearmon, KU went from running the ball on 55.5 percent of its offensive snaps to running the ball on 44.6 percent of its snaps. KU ran the ball 196 times for 952 yards (4.8 yards per carry) under Koenning and ran the ball 187 times for 797 yards (4.3 yards per carry) under Dearmon.

The best college basketball programs at producing each position
Which school is 'Position U'? It's a question that people ask all the time in college football, but is heard significantly less often on the hardwood.

Bits o Chalk

2020 NFL free-agency lessons - What happened to the record-setting deals?
NFL free agency isn't over, but with the vast majority of notable players under contract, we can get a sense of the bigger picture and what it tells us about the state of the league.

From MLB's wildest day to the Astros' scandal: The most meme-worthy moments ever for all 30 teams
It is, then, our luck that the Astros' scheme came in this era, when every game is broadcast on television, when the broadcasts are extraordinarily well miked, when the energy online can remix official news into more entertaining analysis, and when the players themselves are mingling among us in the shared social space.

NFL's Dr. Allen Sills says certain conditions must be met for season to start on time
Although the NFL remains hopeful of starting its regular season on time and in front of packed stadiums, its chief medical officer, Dr. Allen Sills, said Thursday that certain prerequisites -- including widespread testing for the coronavirus -- must be met for that to happen.

Mississippi State's Mike Leach apologizes for since-deleted tweet
Mississippi State coach Mike Leach apologized Thursday for a since-deleted tweet that showed a meme of a woman knitting her husband a noose during self-quarantine.

Eraser Dust

NYC Hospital Chief Calls U.S. Navy Ship's Coronavirus Relief Efforts 'a Joke' as Hundreds of Beds Lay Empty Amid Crisis
The ship, equipped with 1,000 hospital beds and 1,200 medical workers, has reportedly only taken 20 patients aboard since it began operations on April 1, with hundreds of beds on the ship remaining unused.

Some people may not get stimulus checks until August: memo
Then, starting the week of May 4, the IRS will begin issuing paper checks to individuals, the memo says. The paper checks will be issued at a rate of about 5 million per week, which means it could take up to 20 weeks to get all the checks out. That timeline would delay some checks until the week of Aug. 17.

Oasis’ Bonehead announces '(What's The Story) Morning Glory?' listening party
“For Saturday’s #TimsListeningParty ‘What’s the Story’ at 10.05pm,” he tweeted. “I’m going to give a minute for those listening on the vinyl to change the disc over so watch my tweets.”

Spain coronavirus: Country passes 10,000 coronavirus deaths after its highest single-day rise yet - CNN
The Health Ministry said it recorded 950 new deaths in the past 24 hours, the highest single-day increase the country has seen so far. Its total death tally is now 10,003, meaning it joins Italy as the only countries to report a five-figure death toll.

US jobless claims could soon exceed 8 million, economist projects
The number of weekly unemployment claims filed in the U.S. could soon exceed 8 million as the fallout from widespread shutdowns amid the coronavirus pandemic continues to worsen, one economist told CNBC on Friday.

Daily Inter Lake
An apartment dweller told the Flathead County Sheriff’s Office heard “a lot of noise” from his upstairs neighbors and he said it sounded like “thumps” as though someone was repeatedly hitting the floor. It turned out the neighbors had gotten into a fight over a rousing game of Monopoly.

US coronavirus: More than 6,000 are dead as NY governor says virus spreading like a 'slow-moving hurricane' - CNN
"It's like watching a slow-moving hurricane across the country, where you know the path that it's taking," the governor said Thursday. "Why not deploy the national resources and just stay ahead of the hurricane?"

Wisconsin Primary To Go On But Absentee Voting Extended, Federal Judge Rules : Coronavirus Live Updates : NPR
"As much as the court would prefer that the Wisconsin Legislature and Governor consider the public health ahead of any political considerations, that does not appear in the cards," Conley wrote. "Nor is it appropriate for a federal district court to act as the state's chief health official by taking that step for them."