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Player Ratings to the Theme of Dunking

Dok had a few dunks

Dunkin’ Donuts coffeehouse in Moscow Photo by Mikhail Tereshchenko\TASS via Getty Images

In honor of Udoka Azubuike dunking left and right all over the hapless TCU Horned Frogs (seriously, I lost count after his seventh or so, but luckily ESPN did a dunk count with 2:10 to go, and he finished with nine), we are rating the performances to the theme of dunking stuff.

5 Stars: Dunking a basketball

This is a no brainer. Dunking a basketball has to be the most satisfying thing you could do (on a semi-regular basis) in sports. People that can dunk don’t know how good they have it. Speaking as a person who was once able to only touch the rim with a fingertip, this skill is still underutilized. If I could dunk, I’d carry a basketball with me everywhere I go and dunk whenever I saw a hoop. I’d go on walks in the neighborhood just to dunk. I’d get out of my car at every park or church with a hoop and I’d dunk. What I’m saying is that I’d constantly dunk.

Udoka Azubuike became the first player since Cole Aldrich to score 20, grab 15 boards, and block five shots. Well done, big man.

Devon Dotson was also a double-double machine. He scored 18 points and added 11 assists. Also snagged six rebounds.

4 Stars: Dunking an Oreo in milk

Oreos somehow get even more delicious when they are soggy and drenched in milk. I like to just throw a few in the milk glass, let them “marinate” for a while, drink the milk, and then enjoy the soggy goodness. I might be weird.

No one was a four-star in this contest.

3.5 Stars: Duncan Hines

Sweet, moist, and delicious cakes. Oh yeah. Sure, from scratch cakes are better, but who has time for that nonsense?

Unfortunately, no one else was even as good as a boxed cake mix.

3 Stars: Dunkin’ Donuts

I like their donuts, but their breakfast sandwiches leave a little to be desired. Plus, do they still use Styrofoam for their coffee cups? That’s not good.

No one else did much in this one. The best of the rest from a scoring perspective was Isaiah Moss who knocked down three treys, including one as the first half ran out to give KU a sizeable lead at the break.

Marcus Garrett didn’t score in his return to the Metroplex. Had three steals and four assists and three rebounds.

David McCormack scored six and grabbed four rebounds.

Ochai Agbaji scored seven points and put in a late three that extended KU’s run at that time.

2 Stars: Dunking a doughnut in coffee

I’ve never understood this. Maybe a cake doughnut in coffee is pretty good? I don’t know, I’ve never tried it. I like churros in hot chocolate, so maybe this is similar?

Tristan Enaruna and Christian Braun were obviously saving their A games for West Virginia. They didn’t play that much.

1 Star: Dunking a fry in ketchup

I hate ketchup, so this is the obvious one star for me. Why waste one of the world’s best foods with something like ketchup? Salt is enough for me. Scroll down to the comments to see Fizzle’s contradictory food takes.

No one was as bad as ketchup tastes.