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Player Ratings to the Theme of Ken

In honor of the Jeopardy! GOAT

ABC Television’s Winter Press Tour 2020 - Arrivals Photo by Rodin Eckenroth/WireImage

I’ve been watching the Jeopardy! Greatest of All Time tournament for the last week, and have been actively rooting for Ken Jennings to win the crown. Well, he did, so today we are honoring all Kens. Some notable Kens that didn’t make our ratings post were the great Kenny Loggins and Kenny Rogers (his Roasters are also not included), the fantastic album Ken by Destroyer (listen to it here), a notable sax player by the name of Kenny G, and the cult TV series Letterkenny. You make the decision if these should’ve been included.

5 Stars: Ken Griffey, Jr

Was this dude a stud or what? He took the baseball world (and the baseball card collecting world) by storm in 1989. The Seattle Mariners legend finished his career with 630 home runs and that could’ve been much, much higher if he’d stayed healthy.

Udoka Azubuike. The big Nigerian had 16 points and 14 rebounds and I was skeptical at the beginning of the season when people said that a guy that could only shoot from three feet away was going to be KU’s best player, but dang, they might’ve been right.

4.5 Stars: Ken Jennings

Ken has been betting it all (James style) on almost all of his Daily Doubles and it really paid off. After watching this mini-tournament, I think that Ken Jennings was far and away the smartest dude to ever be on a TV game show.

Isaiah Moss finished with 20 points on six of thirteen shooting from three. That’s the Moss that we thought we’d get when he transferred in from Iowa.

Marcus Garrett. How important is this dude? He finished with 15 points, five boards, and five assists while only committing one turnover. In fact, Kansas finished with only 11 turnovers (usually accomplished in one half) and because of this, Oklahoma never got a run together.

4 Stars: Kendrick Lamar

This dude is probably the greatest rapper of his generation. In 2017, his record DAMN. topped almost all record of the year lists. He is a worthy four (and probably higher).

Let’s slide down the ratings to find another notable player.

3.5 Stars: What’s the Frequency, Kenneth? by R.E.M

Ok, ok, I get it. This song isn’t even close to one of the greatest that R.E.M wrote, but it did set them up to be one of the biggest touring acts of their generation. Plus, even though people pan Monster now, it did lead to New Adventures in Hi-Fi, R.E.M’s best and most underappreciated record.

Let’s slide some more. No 3.5 stars in this bunch.

3 Stars: Kenny from South Park

The running gag used to be that Kenny died in every episode of South Park. I haven’t watched in years. Do they still do that?

Ochai Agbaji. Had a nice drive that one time, but, and I think I’ve mentioned this after each of the last several games, this guys needs to learn how to pass well.

David McCormack’s arms and legs move independently from his brain.

All three of Christian Braun, Tristan Enaruna, and Silvio de Sousa played meaningful minutes off the bench. A solid team effort without Devon Dotson for the Jayhawks.

2 Stars: Barbie’s Ken

This plastic haired dude was a ploy to get boys to play with dolls. I don’t think that it necessarily worked. In fact, Ken has now been made a mockery of himself.

Everyone was rated higher than this toy.

1 Star: Kenny Chesney

People like this crap? Johnny Cash and other true country heroes are probably rolling around in their graves listening to this dude sing about his sexy tractor. Hard pass.

Luckily, no one was as terrible as this guy’s songs.