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Player Ratings to the Theme of Terrible

That stunk! Let’s rate the players accordingly.

NFL: DEC 01 Browns at Steelers Photo by Mark Alberti/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

Well, that game yesterday was…not good. In fact, you may call that performance terrible. So in the spirit of connectivity, let’s base the ratings on terrible things. To make this make sense, the better it is, the less terrible it is, so the good stuff will have a lower star rating. Get it? You don’t? Anyway, here are the ratings after that terrible game.

5 Stars: Ivan the Terrible

This guy had his eldest son and that son’s unborn son killed so he could remain in power. That’s pretty terrible.

No one was good, so no one gets a five.

4 Stars: The Terrible Towel

Thanks, Pittsburgh. Thanks to you, people wave these things all around at any number of sporting events. At this point, these dumb towels are ubiquitous in hockey arenas, football stadiums, and basketball arenas. But the original Terrible Towel is so dumb that it spawned a line of “Terrible Stuff” and this is one of many reasons people hate the Steelers. Luckily, that “stuff” no longer exists.

I have waffled back and forth about putting any of the guys below into the four star spot, and I almost did. Almost.

3 Stars: The Terrible Twos

I don’t have kids, but the terrible twos got their name for a reason. Some people say that three-year-olds are worse. This one snags the three-star spot for that reason.

I don’t think anyone even deserved a four, but early in the game, Isaiah Moss was the only reason that KU was in it. He probably had the best game of anyone for that stretch. Three stars, I guess.

Marcus Garrett and Devon Dotson were decent in this one. Combined they had 20 points and seven assists despite both being hobbled.

Udoka Azubuike got very little help. He had seven blocks which is good, but Baylor was too much for him to handle at times, and he had no help from anyone else with any size. Not his day, but he tried.

2 Stars: Terrible Claw Lobster

This thing is actually really cool, so it slides way down the list of terrible stuff. Look at that claw! Somehow, this bad boy was undiscovered until 2007 when it was first sighted off the coast of the Philippines.

Everyone else. David McCormack struggled with Baylor’s athleticism, as did Silvio de Sousa. Ochai Agbaji still needs to read the game faster and learn how to pass. Christian Braun wasn’t as effective as he’s been, and Tristan Enaruna had a courtesy slam late.

Bill Self. Bringing Devon Dotson back in during a pointless blowout seemed like a terrible decision. If Devon is out, KU is finished and the season is over. Let him heal.

1 Star: Terrible Terrible Terrible

This comic looks pretty cool. In fact because it’s cool, it isn’t really terrible at all. One star.

Even in this kind of game, no one really was a one star. Baylor was just better at everything.