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Player Ratings to the Theme of Obsolete Things

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Mississippi v Xavier Photo by Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images

Well, by now you’ve heard about how the NCAA took Silvio De Sousa’s eligibility away for reasons that they aren’t willing to fully explain. Today we rate the performances from Saturday’s game by things that are obsolete. Guess the five-star!

5 Stars: The NCAA

What a farce this organization is! I could go on a thousand word diatribe about “amateurism” and the amount of money that athletes bring into schools in the two major college sports but this isn’t the place for that. Sure, we’re mad about the De Sousa situation and rightfully so, but what about Missouri? I can’t even explain how hypocritical it is that Missouri is hit with sanctions for academic fraud while Roy Williams gets to be in car commercials.

Devon Dotson was excellent. Was this his most complete player as a Jayhawk? Twenty points, four assists, three steals. The man was great.

Dedric Lawson. The big guy from Memphis is starting to get his long range jumper to fall. This might make him even more difficult to guard. Finished with 25 and 10.

4.5 Stars: Rotary Telephone

Holy crap, kids are dumb. Watch this video.

Ochai Agbaji. Showed some serious ups on his two alley-oop dunks and of course brought the energy to the court like he always does.

Lagerald Vick was feisty out there. He canned some threes, taunted some benches, got in people’s faces after he was practically murdered on a dunk attempt. I like this Lagerald. Finished with 13 and six.

4 Stars: The VCR

I’m old enough to remember when we got our first ever VCR and it was the greatest thing to have ever happened. We got to watch movies AT HOME. It was a miracle. Man, those were the days.

No one fit the bill as a straight four star player this time.

3.5 Stars: Typewriters

I learned to type on a typewriter in 7th grade and by “learned to type” I mean that I have to look at the keyboard still. I stink at typing unless it’s on my non-rotary cell phone.

Quentin Grimes. Canned two threes and is starting to look better and more confident in that regard, but need to see more driving to the rack from Q.

3 Stars: Laserdiscs

On one hand, laserdiscs were a huge upgrade on the picture quality of a VHS tape. On the other hand, they were the size of a vinyl record and sometimes required a second disc to be used during the movie. Also, they became immediately outdated by the DVD.

Everyone else that played in this game. If you exclude the shooting, Charlie Moore had a decent game- he delivered the alley-oops for Ochai. Mitch and David came in and provided decent minutes against a strong Tech front line. And KJ Lawson had the most KJ Lawson of games- he nailed a three and then on a defensive possession shortly after that committed two fouls in the space of ten seconds including one to give Tech a four-point play. Nice.

2 Stars: AOL Accounts

Be honest, you know that one person who still has an AOL email account for some reason. That person is probably your grandma, and she still has those AOL CDs down in their filing cabinet in the basement.

1 Star: Writing Checks

Remember when the majority of purchases made at the grocery store were by check? That was a terrible time in human existence.

No one played poorly enough to be compared to AOL or checks.

No Rating:

The walk-ons.