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Player Ratings to the Theme of 90210 Characters

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Who is a Dylan? Who is a Donna?

Promotional Portrait Of Luke Perry Photo by Fox Television/Courtesy of Getty Images

Well, I’ve been waiting a while to pull this one out. And yes, I’ve been watching season one of 90210 on Amazon and I have no idea how I’m going to cope with the remaining seasons not being on Prime, but we’ll deal with that when we get there. And, as the victims of a continuing refereeing conspiracy fans over at K-State refer to our campus as Snob Hill (Note: like they could even recognize a hill, amirite?), I figured it was time to break out the 90210 ratings.

5 Stars: Dylan McKay

The greatest of all the characters. All girls loved Luke Perry and all guys wanted to be Luke Perry. He was so important to the show that after he quit, they had to bring him back. And Dylan was better than ever.

Dedric Lawson had 18 points, 14 rebounds, five assists, two steals, and one block. He’s your Big XII Player of the Year.

4.5 Stars: Brandon Walsh

Brandon is your role model gentlemen. He was the kind, caring, smart dude that all the girls wanted. But Brandon had standards and he always did the right thing. Weird how the show was centered around Brandon and his sister Brenda for years and then it just kept on chugging along without either of them.

Mitch Lightfoot provided an instant spark off the bench and his energy was contagious. His nine points and five rebounds don’t tell the story nearly as much as his three blocks. I actually counted more, but it was probably just lost in the loud and abrasive MIIIITTTCHHH!!!!! I seemed to be screaming every so often.

Devon Dotson. Another sterling performance from the freshman. Didn’t shoot it particularly well from the field, but he is our floor general and his defense was spectacular.

4 Stars: Kelly Taylor

Man, in the early years Kelly was pretty shallow. But as time wears on, I seem to recall Jennie Garth’s character gaining some depth and compassion. I’ll let you know if these ratings change when I get into the later seasons.

Quentin Grimes. Now we’re talking. That easy stroke could be a game changer if all the shots that look like they’re going in actually go in. Finished with 12 points. My only complaint is the Q needs to take it to the rack with more authority.

3.5 Stars: Valerie Malone

Adding Tiffani-Amber Thiessen was a genius move from the producers of the show. And to make her character so different from the one she played on Saved by the Bell was a masterstroke. Everyone wanted to see a dark, sexy, and vindictive character from Thiessen and we got just that in Valerie Malone. Would be a five-star if she was in the series the entire time.

When Marcus Garrett is banking in threes, you know things are going well. But seriously, when Bill inserted Marcus and Mitch in the game after that dismal start, the game changed.

3 Stars: Brenda Walsh

Ah, the three star- the waiverer, the flip-fliopper. My wife CAN’T STAND Brenda. I think she’s ok. Yes, she’s overdramatic, but she has the Walsh goodness that everyone desires for their teenager. I’d put her higher, but happiness in my household is preventing that.

No one was in the middle this time.

2.5 Stars: Steve Sanders

Steve sucks. I never liked him. But a Prime preview for a season one Steve-centered episode goes like this “Steve, unaware that he is terrible, tries out for the basketball team.” That is some awesome trolling and pushes Steve up to the rare 2.5 star location.

Charlie Moore. I’ll say this, the man has some (probably unwarranted) confidence in his shot. Seems to me that the easy thing for Moore to do every time would be to pass it quickly. He doesn’t always do that.

Not a great game for KJ Lawson, but he grabbed a few rebounds.

2 Stars: Andrea Zuckerman

Intolerable from the start. Ahhhhhndrea lived in a section of town that had a bad school so she secretly enrolled in West Beverly. Fine, nice idea. But then she became more pretentious than the rest in the way that she dictatorially ran the school newspaper. And then she had an out of wed-lock kid. You couldn’t write this script! (Yes, you can and they did).

David McCormack. He was lost tonight. He’ll learn.

Ochai Agbaji. He must’ve been sick or something. Tugged at his shirt to come out on a few occasions, and never made an impact. I hope it’s something minor, and the energizing Ochai is back on the weekend.

1 Star: Donna Martin

Donna defines shallowness. Add to it that the only reason she was on the show is that her Dad created it, and it adds up to one star.

No one was as bad as Donna.

Not Rated:

The walk-ons. Good to see them in this game.