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Player Ratings to the Theme of Toast

The chances of 15 straight are toast.

Gallery 151: SMEG Presents New Small Domestic Appliances Photo by Bennett Raglin/Getty Images for Gallery 151

Hey, KU’s chances of getting a 15th straight Big XII title are practically toast after that “game” against Texas Tech on the weekend. So, what better way to rate the players than by comparing them to the ultimate breakfast side dish, toast. And a warning as well- that game was so terrible, the performances so bad, that this post is just so we can have a conversation in the comments section. There will be very little actual analysis.

5 Stars: English Muffins

English muffins are better in a restaurant. When that butter is already melted on there and is soaking into the dough, that’s…..magic. English muffins also get bonus points for the crispy/chewy ratio. They’re perfect.

LOL. Of course there are no five-star options.

4.5 Stars: Multi-Grain

Restaurants usually have better bread options than I have at home, so when there’s a nutty, seedy, multi-grain bread on there, you know it’s going to be good.

Nope. No one was as good as multi-grain toast.

4 Stars: A biscuit

You see, buttermilk biscuits are delicious, but because they are infinitely better when covered with a creamy, savory sausage gravy, they dip to the four-star as a simple side. Still, add a little butter and honey and you’re in business.

As mentioned above, biscuits are delicious and it would be a disgrace to compare a performance in this game to their greatness.

3.5 Stars: Wheat

When all else fails, you can just order some wheat toast. Slather that bad boy with some strawberry jelly and you’re all good.

Uh-uh. No one was this good.

3 Stars: A Muffin

We have a local breakfast eatery that offers a muffin as one of the “toast” options. Nope. While I love a great muffin, I don’t really see what the point is. If I wanted sweets, I probably would’ve ordered French toast or coated my waffles with maple syrup, and if I wanted a multi-grain or bran muffin, I’ll stick with the healthy toast above. Muffins are good, but they don’t fit the category.

This isn’t even a toast and still no one could manage to be as good as a muffin.

2 Stars: Standard White

A fine choice when none of the others are available, but when you really want good toast, you don’t go here.

Every player gets a two star. Every player. I’ll admit to paying little or no attention to the game after the half time break, but man, all of the performances on both ends of the court could only be described as insipid. Sure, Tech nailed three after three after three when they are really not that great of a three point shooting team, but this KU team seemed content to let them keep firing away. Just bad all around, and now a miracle is needed to secure a share of number 15. They’re toast.

1 Star: No Toast

People like toast. Toast should be an option. No toast option is a crime.

Bill Self. It’s a coach’s job to get the players ready to play and to make some adjustments. He didn’t. This was probably Bill’s worst regular season coaching performance in his Kansas tenure. I can’t remember any other games where it was this bad. Even in that Villanova game (postseason, I know), KU showed some fight after that huge deficit. They gave up in this one and they gave up early. That’s on the coach and his staff.