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Player Ratings to the Theme of Red Candies

Red, not cherry or strawberry. Red.

Twizzlers Is Ready For Battle At Fox’s ‘Independence Day: Resurgence’ Screening With Vivica A. Fox At TCL Chinese Theatre Photo by Rachel Murray/Getty Images for Twizzlers

KU got a nice win last night. After blowing a big lead, Kansas showed some grit and determination to pull out a win in Fort Worth last night. Who would’ve thought that KU could beat anyone with Charlie Moore, KJ Lawson, and David McCormack playing in overtime with no subs? Not me.

And since we’re so close to Valentine’s Day, let’s rate the players to the world’s best color for candy, red. And yes, I said color. When you refer to candies such as these, do you say the fruit flavor or the color?

5 Star: Hot Tamales

I just ate an entire box of these bad boys the other day, so I’m probably a little biased, but holy moly, Hot Tamales are delicious.

Unfortunately, no KU player was as good as a Hot Tamale.

4.5 Star: Red Starburst

Hot Taek: Not only is the cherry Starburst the best of the traditional Starbursts, the pink one is the worst. Yep, I said it. The cherry, orange, and yellow are juicy and delicious- all the things that Starburst claim to be. The strawberry is a strawberry chew. Generic. Red Starbursts for the win.

Devon Dotson was almost a five-star player and was certainly KU’s best of the night. His turnovers near the end of regulation caused the game to turn, but otherwise, he was immense. He drove, he kicked it out, he was the only player on KU that wanted to draw contact when the referees were blowing the whistle for everything in the lane, and he nailed key free throws at the end. Finished with 25 points, 10 assists, and 5 rebounds.

Ochai Agbaji. 20 points and 11 rebounds. Not bad. Canned some key threes, including one in OT, and was the apple of Fran’s eye all night long. He’s been great.

4 Star: Cherry Jolly Rancher

This is an underrated candy in many ways. First, the cherry flavor of the Jolly Rancher is unlike almost all other cherry candies. They actually taste like a cherry might taste. It’s not perfect, but it’s closer than most. And two, people seem to like the fire or watermelon or green apple Jolly Ranchers better for some stupid reason. Fine, more for me.

KJ Lawson. This was KJ’s best game in a Kansas uniform and it’s not even close. Scored key baskets at the end of regulation and OT. Finished with 10 points and three rebounds.

Dedric Lawson. He got benched for back talking to Bill Self and then came out in the second half and played pretty well. Showed some maturity in those moments, but he mainly gets the four-star because I bet one of my friends some beers that he’d start the second half.

Mitch Lightfoot. Mr. Energy. Is there anything better than that coy Mitch smile when he dunks really hard or blocks someone? No, there isn’t.

3.5 Star: Cherry Nibs

When I was a kid, I couldn’t get enough of these. Do they even still exist or has Twizzlers co-opted the flavor for their Pull and Peel cherry licorice? Anyway, they are better in bite size chews and no one will convince me otherwise.

David McCormack. The freshman is a wild man out there. Once he figures it all out, I think he’ll be a force. He’s done well since becoming a starter.

3 Star: Atomic Fireballs

The three star traditionally gets the 50/50 nomination, and these candies fit the bill. They are delicious for a while, start losing their flavor, and then you just have to crack you teeth trying to chew them and finish them off.

Quentin Grimes and Charlie Moore did just enough to not be a two star. They are probably not three stars, but I’m just so happy after that KU won and that guys showed poise at the end that I’m willing to let a few bad decisions and poor shooting slide.

2 Star: Twizzlers

Licorice isn’t supposed to be strawberry flavored. Regular Twizzlers are the most overrated candy out there. The cherry pull and peel kind is good (same flavor as the original Cherry Nib) and Red Vines are where it’s at, but Twizzlers suck.

1 Star: Cherry Candy Corn

I just discovered that this is a thing. They might be good. Cherry flavored stuff is generally good. Regular candy corn is terrible, therefore I am jumping to the conclusion that this stuff is bad.

No one was as bad as these presumably are