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47 Days Until Kansas Football: The Roast of David Beaty

Come join us for a roast of David Beaty!

Scleroderma Research Foundation’s 30th Anniversary Cool Comedy - Hot Cuisine New York Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images for Scleroderma Research Foundation

Welcome to the first, and most likely last, Rock Chalk Talk Roast of David Beaty. Sheahon Zenger wanted to be here tonight but he is off ruining the athletic department of another school. We make fun of Zenger a lot but lets give him a break, I mean what athletic director of a major university hasn’t made a wide receivers coach with no prior head coaching experience their head coach?

::Puts hand to ear::

Oh, none of them? Oh. Ok.

Look, Zenger took a lot of flack for hiring Beaty but, and this is true, he did show Bill Self his list of eight potential head coaches before he hired Beaty. An elite eight if you will. Naturally Coach Self choked making that decision.

::Crowd boos::

What, is that going too far?

Hey, I see lots of Rock Chalk Talk members are here tonight. FLJhawk is in the building. I don’t know what’s worse, FLJhawk’s food takes or Zenger giving Coach Beaty an extension after going 2-22 over two seasons.

Mike is here tonight. Mike has had KU football season tickets for years. It’s gotten so bad lately that Mike actually took a hot dog cannon and shot it into his own eyes.

But let’s get to the man of the hour, the reason we are all here, and the reason why we drink - coach David Beaty. He has done something at Kansas none of us thought was possible. He actually made the team worse. Beaty is so bad at his job -

::How bad is he::

- he is so bad that he makes us long for days of Charlie Weis. Hey, at least Weis beat Central Michigan. You know, Beaty is so bad at developing players -

::How bad is he::

- he is so bad that Montell Cozart left and turned into a great player at Boise State. I mean, come on, the guy cycles through quarterbacks like Bill Snyder cycles through Depends. And Beaty is such a bad coach -

::How bad is he::

- when fourth down comes up, he calls for a punt faster than Bill Self can say “uh” while answering a question.

But seriously, the program is so bad that instead of anger, more and more fans are turning to apathy, which is the most dangerous thing for a football program to have.

Thank you all, you’ve been a lovely audience. And coach Beaty, you are a great guy, but coach, you aren’t the right guy to be leading Kansas football out of the cellar.

I’d say see you at the roast next year but, c’mon, we both know your office will be cleaned out by December.