Zenger was fired on May 21, or 103 days until Kansas Football. However, we won’t let that simple fact stop us today. This article has been well in the works ever since this countdown was first envisioned, and today is as good a day as any to get it posted.
So without further ado, here are various activities I would rather do than see Zenger finish out the 2018 year. Feel free to add yours in the comments.
Leave a banana peel in a trash can next to your bed. Putting a banana peel in any trash can without a lid is probably a crime in a bunch of countries. Just don’t do it.
Eat a “carrot hotdog.” Just go away with these, I beg of you.
Get stuck at the top of a roller coaster for four hours on a windy day.
Play XBox Live with Baylor football players. I mean, if these are the kinds of people you hang out with, we probably shouldn’t be friends anymore.
Only listen to Kidz Bop music for the rest of my life.
Be assistant to the regional manager.
Stick my nostrils together with crazy glue. Gotta be uncomfortable.
Dunk while wearing KSU shorts in a pickup game at lunch. Bonus points if you scrape your hand on the rim and still go back to work without missing any time for the injury.
Eat a whole box of “Spoiled Milk” jelly bellys. Ugh, seriously?
Get divorced and only date from FarmersOnly.com.
Stand on a nest of fire ants.
Wear a MAGA hat onto an HBCU campus.
Do the Tide pod challenge. Thanks for this one, millenials.
Compete against Michael Phelps and a real shark, only I’m in on the shark’s side of the pool.
Have my blood sucked out by leeches until I pass out.
Clean a shower drain full of hair.
Get hit in the head by a line drive from a major league batter on the pitcher’s mound.
Watch a Caillou marathon.
Have all my shoes be crocs. It would totally cost me my job, because, you know, dress code, but if Zenger were still around and this got rid of him? It might be worth it. I can always just go be a teacher or something. *Ducks*
Get punched in the face by Chuck Norris’ beard.
Go back in time and work on the Panama Canal for 10 cents an hour.
Dress up like a gorilla and go to the Cincinnati zoo.