clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Player Ratings to the Theme of Villains

Duke isn’t the five-star, but they very well could be

NCAA Basketball: NCAA Tournament-Midwest Regional-Kansas vs Duke Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports

There is no doubt that Duke is the villain of college basketball. Everyone hates them. Everyone hates their crowd. Everyone hates their mascot who has been masquerading as the winningest coach in college basketball lo these many years. But here’s the thing with villains- you respect them. You don’t become this hated without accomplishing something special, and Duke sure has done that. Now onto the ratings, keeping in mind that we’re only using pop culture here.

5 Stars: Darth Vader

I’m not sure that this needs a whole lot of explanation. Darth Vader is the ultimate bad guy in the original Star Wars trilogy. I wish they did a better job in the prequels (in general, this statement works in many, many ways) of making me believe he was really good turned bad. Maybe they did that and I just hated the prequels. Anyway, Darth Vader is the best villain.

Malik Newman. If there was ever a five-star player in these silly ratings, it’s Malik Newman after his 32 point performance in the Elite Eight. He scored 13 points in overtime alone, and I can still see his threes swishing in from the corner. Majestic.

Sviatoslav Mykhailiuk’s defensive performance against Marvin Bagley will be talked about on this site for a long, long time. Man, he was something else. And that three with 25 seconds to go to tie the game- as clutch as you like. Masterful.

Silvio De Sousa. Four points and 10 rebounds doesn’t even begin to tell the story about De Sousa’s night. This kid was in high school three months ago. Two months ago, he had no clue what he was doing in the Kansas system. Amazing.

4.5 Stars: The Joker

The Dark Knight is one of the best movies ever and Heath Ledger’s dynamic performance of the Joker is the best that’s ever been done. Sure, this character has seen his fair share of stupid or downright corny portrayals, but Ledger’s Joker propels this to the near top.

Devonte Graham. Maybe these ratings are a little high, but who cares? The Kansas Jayhawks are going to the Final Four and that feat would be impossible without the leadership and game management of Devonte Graham. He’s our general and he deserves this ride.

LaGerald Vick. Anyone else just watching that touch pass from Vick to Newman for essentially the game winning three over and over and over again? I can’t stop watching it. Nailed some key threes himself as well.

4 Stars: Hannibal Lector

Ah, the first “real” character on this list. Anthony Hopkins did such a great job with this character that they were basically forced to make more movies after Silence of the Lambs. Has anyone watched the new adaptation featuring Mads Mikkelsen?

Udoka Azubuike. When he wasn’t on the bench in foul trouble, Dok looked pretty good. That knee isn’t 100%, but it’ll get back there in a week. Also, just so you know, no one is dropping below a four-star.

Marcus Garrett. This guy was active once more. Is it possible that we’ll be looking to Garrett’s senior leadership in a few years to take us into the Final Four?

3.5 Stars: Anton Chigurh, No Country for Old Men

More realism, and holy moly was this dude frightening. He uses a captive bolt pistol (a cattle killing stun gun) to kill people. I don’t have much more to say other than this dude is one scary cowboy.

3 Stars: Generic Horror Movie Villain

None of these guys scare me. Probably because I don’t watch their movies, but the premises are so outlandish that these guys/gals are ranked pretty low.

2 Stars: (Almost) All Scooby-Doo Villains

Man, I loved the old Scooby-Doo shows (the 1969 and 1976 versions are freaking awesome), but the villains were lame. That mask they wore was usually so perfectly formed that it never flapped in the breeze, but they could pull it right off with ease at the end of the episode? I’m looking for realism for some reason, don’t know why. One truly frightening exception: the Ghost Clown. Freaky stuff right there.

1 Star: Gargamel from the Smurfs

This buffoon never succeeded. He desperately wanted to catch Smurfs and turn them into gold, and yet these miniature blue weirdos always escaped Gargamel’s grasp.