Man, I really wanted to do a player ratings post to the theme of presidents since Mount Rushmore is in the great state of South Dakota, but due to reasons that are totally within my control, I have opted not to dive into those potentially treacherous waters. The five and one star choices seems pretty easy, but where do I rank Millard Fillmore? That dilemma proved too much for me, so we are going to rate KU’s players on something that is much more controversial on this site: food.
Everyone has a food take, and everyone loves pizza. This post is basically just my personal preferences, but I’m also trying to find some common ground. Two toppings also seems like the ideal place to start, the place to get that perfect bite.
Let the arguments begin.
5 Stars: Pepperoni and Cream Cheese
This is the king of the pizzas. If your local pizza joint doesn’t offer cream cheese as an option, they are doing it wrong. Dollops of cream cheese on top of the sauce, layers of delicious pepperoni on top of that, and loads of melted mozzarella. That cream cheese melts and spreads out and offers the creamiest bite of pizza you’ve ever had. Combine that with the tangy bite of the pepperoni and you have reached perfection.
Charlie Moore arrived last night against South Dakota. He nailed six of nine from behind the arc, and finished with a team high 18 points. Perhaps my wishes from the last post are coming true?
4.5 Stars: Italian Sausage and Green Olives
For some reason, many people that frequent this site dislike olives. It’s probably because (I hope anyway) they have only eaten the world’s worst type of olive- the canned American black olive. I agree that those are terrible and why pizza places (and tex-mex places?!?) think these are good options is beyond me. But a nice green olive, in conjunction with spicy Italian sausage just works. If you don’t like this combo, sub your favorite veggie and it probably hits the 4.5 star mark.
Dedric Lawson. The Memphis transfer is a walking double-double. Sixteen points and 14 boards somehow looks a little pedestrian after all we’ve been used to in the last few weeks.
4 Stars: Bacon and anything
My local pizza place offers jalapeno brined bacon, and it is just as delicious as you’d imagine it to be. It makes any pizza better, and I would offer up that you could choose just about any other topping and it would garner the four-star spot at the very least. Bacon plus other isn’t higher because many of those commercial pizza places use terrible bits of bacon as another meat topping. No one needs that.
David McCormack. This game was a perfect time to get the big freshmen some much needed minutes. He finished with a career high 12 points and six rebounds.
3.5 Stars: Potatoes with any type of meat
Potatoes on a pizza is totally underrated. The Italians do it and so should you. If you find a place that offers them, give them a try. I personally like oven roasted potatoes on my pizza and find that chicken goes well with it. A worthy three and a half star choice.
Seven points, five rebounds, and three steals. Another worthy performance from Marcus Garrett. He’s not going to be the guy that fills up the scoring column, so these kind of nights need to happen every night. Luckily for KU fans, that’s what’s been happening recently.
Solid if unspectacular from Lagerald Vick. But then again, in a game like this, nothing spectacular was needed. Finished with 12 points and five rebounds.
Mitch Lightfoot. Seven points and six rebounds per contest is exactly the kind of production Kansas fans want from Mitch. I’ll take that every time.
3 Stars: Canadian Bacon and Pineapple
Alright, here we go. The famous controversial three-star spot goes to the most controversial of pizzas. There are certain people who believe that fruit doesn’t belong on a pizza, and there are those of us who embrace the sweetness. Which side do you fall on? Note: Apples and pears and figs are also delicious on pizza.
Quentin Grimes and KJ Lawson. In a game like this, three stars is about the lowest you can go. Could they have done more? Yep. Did they need to? Nope.
2 Stars: Multiple cheeses as the only toppings
Melted cheese is not a topping. I get it, these pizza restaurants have to charge for their cheese selections, but I am way past ordering a cheese pizza, even a “gourmet” one with “exotic” cheeses on it. Cheese pizza is for kids, and I know a person, a full grown adult who only eats cheese pizza. That person hasn’t lived. And yes, I’m aware that the lead art is a cheese pizza, but the next best choice featured a caption similar to “Guess who’s a giant racist? Papa John.” Pass.
No Kansas players was as boring as cheese pizza.
1 Star: Seafood and anything
I’m not a fan of seafood on pizza. I understand that some people enjoy this, but I’d say that this is the easy one star selection. In college, I worked at Lawrence Pizza Company (RIP) and we offered a sardine and shrimp pizza which was the epitome of gross.
There is no chance that a KU player was as bad as seafood on pizza.
No Rating: Garrett Luinstra