Today’s rankings are based on the different types of Snickers candy bars that are available to the good old American consumer. So here we go- we’ll rank the KU players on a scale of this iconic candy bar and it’s variants.
5 Stars: Snickers Peanut Butter
How can the original Snickers not be the five star option? Because candy bars evolve, man. I just ate one of these the other day, and man are they delicious. Somehow, they take the winning combination which is the Snickers bar and upgrade it with peanut butter. If you’ve never had one of these, do yourself a favor and give these a shot, they’re worth every penny.
Unfortunately, no Kansas player ranked as high as the almighty Snickers with peanut butter.
4.5 Stars: Classic Snickers
You can’t really beat it. It packs everything that you want in a candy bar: milk chocolate, nougat, caramel, and peanuts. In terms of bang for the buck and availability, it’s the best candy bar on the market today.
Mitch Lightfoot. Twenty six minutes for the sophomore and he was integral to keeping Kansas above water in the second half. Mitch had nine points, seven rebounds and six blocked shots, and maybe most importantly, only two fouls when KU couldn't afford to have him in foul trouble. His best performance as a Jayhawk.
Devonte Graham. His steal near the end was crucial as was the fact that the senior canned eight straight free throws in crunch time. A big performance from a big player.
Sviatoslav Mykhailiuk. Svi had another good game, canning five of seven from three point land. And that block......pretty sweet.
4 Stars: Snickers Almond
Aren’t these just the new moniker for a Mars bar? Yep. And guess what? Mars bars were delicious. Take out the peanuts and add in almonds….what’s not to love? Note: For some reason, in Europe the Mars bar still exists. Second side note: They’re still delicious.
Udoka Azubuike. Started off the game and set the tone offensively. Once the fouls started mounting, he obviously slowed down. He will be the biggest recipient of Preston and/or De Sousa and/or an improving Mitch Lightfoot.
3.5 Stars: Snickers Ice Cream Bar
Childhood dnoll5 would’ve given this thing five stars without any hesitation. When they introduced these badboys, it felt like worlds were colliding in the most perfect situation possible. Holy crap, these are good, but they’re just not prevalent enough to crack a four-star rating.
Lagerald Vick needs to make free throws when they count. We know he can make threes (a perfect two of two on Saturday), but the easy stuff needs to be easier.
Marcus Garrett. I know he can't become a better shooter if he doesn't shoot it, but there are just too many other players on the team that can make them that it become unnecessary for Garrett to even attempt deep shots. Focus on driving, rebounding, and defending- things he's already quite good at.
3 Stars: Frozen Snickers
Again, as usual, the three spot comes features a toss up. So many people I know love to freeze their Snickers and have a rock solid frozen treat. Others (myself included) like my teeth and stay away. A perfectly chilled Snickers? Yep. But freezing one is going one step over the edge.
Sam Cunliffe. Calmly made both free throws that he took and drove to the lane well for his only basket from the field. It might take until next season, but he'll be a nice piece of the puzzle someday.
2 Stars: Snickers Minis
This receives two stars because it’s one bite. ONE BITE IS NOT ENOUGH OF THE DELICIOUS SNICKERS FLAVOR.
Malik Newman. Man, this guy's stock has fallen, and not just in the eyes of the Jayhawks faithful, but also of head coach Bill Self. Played only fifteen minutes and missed all of his attempts from the floor. Did make an important free throw at the end though.
1 Star: Snickers Pumpkin
Pumpkin flavored items have become way too ubiquitous. Some things (read: most things) get worse with pumpkin flavor including, presumably, our beloved Snickers candy bar. I don't care if this is just a snickers bar shaped like a pumpkin for a fake holiday. The fact that I even had to consider whether or not this was actually pumpkin flavored or pumpkin shaped moves it to the bottom. Plus, this exists and it sounds atrocious. Never had one, never will. It’s a one-star on principle.
Luckily, no Kansas player was as bad as the Snickers Pumpkin.
Again, down in the comments section, please tell me why I’m wrong and I’m always up for suggestions for future lists as well.