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Player Ratings to the Theme of Teams that Missed the World Cup

A disappointing win deserves a rating system based on disappointment

FBL-WC-2018-SWE-ITA Photo credit should read JONATHAN NACKSTRAND/AFP/Getty Images

After a win that felt like a loss, today’s rankings are actually based on disappointment. I’m not disappointed we won. A win is a win of course, but it could’ve been that much needed blowout that KU apparently is never going to get again. So as I am disappointed in the team’s overall performance, I’m writing a player ratings post to match my mood. Follow me here: the more disappointing it was that a team missed out on the World Cup in Russia in 2018, the higher their ranking. So now, here are the player ratings to the theme of biggest disappointments in the recent World Cup cycle.

5 Stars: Italy

Italy have missed the World Cup for the first time since 1958. We won’t see the likes of Lorenzo Insigne, Daniel DeRossi, Giorgio Chielinni, or Gianluigi Buffon at this World Cup and that’s a shame. This is a major disappointment for the Azzurri as the four time winners will be watching the 2018 event from their homes- presumably next to their supermodel wives while sipping world class wine- but they’ll be home nonetheless. Italy missing out is five star worthy because with this pedigree and the players at their disposal, this should never happen.

No Kansas player was as good as Italy missing the World Cup was bad.

4.5 Stars: Chile

Alexis Sanchez is probably the biggest name in world football to not be making an appearance in Russia this summer, and Chile’s early exit out of CONMEBOL qualifying is especially strange considering that they’ve won the last two Copa America trophies. Chile probably has a better roster, but given their history, they only reach a 4.5 on the scale. You still have to have had a dang good game to be as good as Chile was disappointing.

Malik Newman tops the ratings for that brilliant three minute stretch when he absolutely willed Kansas to the win. His overall stat line is pretty good if you didn't watch it, and considering most of it happened in the most important part of the game, I’ll take it.

4 Stars: USA

The United States Couldn’t beat Trinidad and Tobago. It’s pretty impressive that the US couldn’t make it to Russia, really. You have to try hard to not qualify if you’re the United States, and they managed to fail in the most spectacular fashion. This could be at 4.5 or even five (a four is still pretty disappointing!) because there is absolutely no reason that the USA shouldn’t qualify out of their region (Mexico and the US should be shoo-ins). But here’s the caveat and why the USA only scored a 4: The amount of disappointment is below that of Italy and Chile because the majority of their populations of those two countries were absolutely devastated when they failed, and many in the USA either didn’t care, didn’t know, or weren’t surprised.

No one else even achieved USA-style disappointment greatness on Saturday.

3.5 Stars: Netherlands

The Netherlands were a finalist in 2010 where it took extra time for the Spanish to finish them off. But the Oranje have been in a steady decline ever since. They failed to qualify for the Euro 2016 tournament (even though the tournament expanded to 24 teams) and they finished third in their group behind France and Sweden. Nonetheless, it’s still disappointing, and with it goes a 3.5 ranking that shows how much of a disappointment Arjen Robben and company have been recently.

The remaining Kansas players were worse than even the decline of this once great footballing nation.

3 Stars: Ecuador

With so many South American teams, Ecuador seem perfectly middle of the road. If they would’ve made it, people would’ve probably forgotten that they did after the group stage. After all, Ecuador seems to qualify every other time anyway. Sorry, Enner Valencia, but this is the perfect team for the average rating.

Devonte Graham. Made free throws when necessary. I wish that we could somehow give Devonte Graham a rest without completely falling apart.

Udoka Azubuike. You take the good with the bad with Dok, and now we know that he just can’t be out there when the other team is looking to foul. Still pretty good from two feet away though.

2 Stars: New Zealand

They always make the playoff because they play in the Oceania Federation where Fiji, Tonga, and Papua New Guinea are their only really competition. After making the playoff, they usually get smoked by someone (in this case it was Peru), and we go back to only thinking about New Zealand when we think of awesome vacation spots and backdrops for movie scenes. No one cares if they make it or not.

Sviatoslav Mykhailiuk and Lagerald Vick. A combined 12 points isn't going to cut it when it matters most. Hopefully this was just a combined off night. Going to need these guys against Oklahoma.

Marcus Garrett. Make a free throw man.

1 Star: British Virgin Islands

This is the lowest ranked FIFA team to actually accumulate points. They suck, and no one expects them to even get past the first round of games.

Luckily, no Kansas player was as bad as the British Virgin Islands.

No Rating

Mitch Lightfoot and Silvio de Sousa. Eight minutes combined. No points, one rebound, one block (both from Mitch) and five fouls.

Again, down in the comments section, please tell me why I’m wrong and I’m always up for suggestions for future lists as well.