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Player Ratings to the Theme of Throwback Uniforms

From Astros to lavender, here we go

MLB: JUN 21 Astros at Rays Photo by Mark LoMoglio/Icon SMI/Corbis via Getty Images

That was close. But this post isn’t for analysis, it’s for comparing the players to random stuff, and since I disparaged the horrendous K-State retro uniforms in the predictions post yesterday (spoiler as to the one-star uni), I figured I might as well rank throwback uniforms from first to worst.

5-Stars: Houston Astros Tequila Sunrise

MLB: JUN 21 Astros at Rays Photo by Cliff Welch/Icon SMI/Corbis via Getty Images

These are so amazing that it defies words. This is what the Astros should look like all the time. The gradient pattern is now iconic, and the number on the pants is awesome as well. High school and college teams have tried to emulate it with less success than the original because the original is so perfect.

Unfortunately, no KU players were as awesome as these Houston Astros throwback uniforms.

4.5 Stars: Tampa Bay Buccaneers Creamsicle

Atlanta Falcons v Tampa Bay Buccaneers Photo by Scott Cunningham/Getty Images

The old Tampa Bay Bucs uniforms that were light orange were the bomb. Sure, the pirate on the helmet was a little effeminate shall we say, but he was much better than the red and pewter uniforms that they wear now.

No Kansas players demonstrated as much greatness as these uniforms.

4 Stars: Kansas City Monarchs

Minor Leagues - Kinston Indians vs. Prince William Cannons Photo by Diamond Images/Getty Images

The KC Royals do an annual Negro Leagues throwback game and they are some of the best uniforms that you’ll see on the diamond all year. If the other uniforms weren’t so awesome, this would be number one.

Udoka Azubuike. He was a load to handle down there offensively and had one of his better games on the defensive end.

Devonte Graham. This team looks so lost without him on the court, that he will almost garner a four-star rating automatically.

3.5 Stars: Denver Nuggets

Danny Schayes
Houston Rockets v Denver Nuggets Photo by Garrett W. Ellwood/NBAE via Getty Images

Up until recently, this team has had awesome uniforms. Whether its the pickaxe logo or the rainbow skyline, these throwbacks are pretty awesome. Again, they’d be higher if the others above them didn’t exist.

I’m not sure another KU player reached the status of either of these great uniforms.

3 Stars: Pittsburgh Steelers Bumblebee Stripes

Washington Redskins  v Pittsburgh Steelers Photo by George Gojkovich/Getty Images

Middle of the pack time, so time for something that could go either way. Some people love them, others think that they are stupid. A perfect pick for the number three spot.

Sviatoslav Mykhailiuk, Lagerald Vick, and Malik Newman. These guys each had their moments (Svi’s three to end the half, Vick’s three late, Newman’s clutch free throws), but overall, the performances have to be better if this team is going to contend for a 14th title.

Marcus Garrett. Missed a wide open three but was the only contributor off the bench.

2 Stars: Phoenix Coyotes

Edmonton Oilers v Arizona Coyotes Photo by Norm Hall/NHLI via Getty Images

A few years ago, the Phoenix Coyotes honored their initial team with retro uniforms from the mid-1990’s. Those uniforms sucked in 1995 and they suck now.

Although KU wasn’t perfect, all players did enough to avoid being compared to these uniforms.

1 Star: K-State Lavender/Purple combo

Holy moly, these are terrible. Pretty much any basketball team with mismatched shorts and shirt is going to be bad, but these redefine bad. I can’t believe they exist, and I can’t believe that the players have consented to wear them.

No basketball performance can be as bad as these uniforms, but apparently late game play calling is another story.


Silvio De Sousa, Sam Cunliffe, Mitch Lightfoot. It was obviously good to see the newest Jayhawk on the court, but none of these three guys did enough to warrant a rating.