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Player Ratings to the Theme of Natural Disasters

Cyclones are natural disasters, get it?

Iowa State v Kansas Photo by Ed Zurga/Getty Images

Well, Kansas dispatched the Cyclones last night, so let’s go ahead and rank natural disasters based on volume of destruction.

5 Stars: Earthquakes

The sheer destructive force that an earthquake delivers is unparalleled in nature. Earthquakes destroy major metropolises in seconds. Building are constructed specifically to withstand earthquakes- you can’t say that about any other natural disaster. Plus, you just can’t predict when one will occur or the intensity with which it will hit. If there is one natural disaster that I never want anything to do with, it is the earthquake. Man, these things are frightening.

Unfortunately, no KU players’ performances matched the destructive power of an earthquake.

4.5 Stars: Hurricanes

We’ve all recently seen what the destruction of a hurricane can do to a city or an island. The only thing keeping this from number one is that you usually see them coming and most of the time, evacuation can occur before the storm hits land. That said, hurricanes are wildly dangerous and the fallout from the storm is intense.

Malik Newman. Maybe we weren’t expecting 27 points every night from the transfer, but yesterday’s performance is more what KU fans have been expecting all year. More please.

Sviatoslav Mykhailiuk. Drained six of nine from behind the arc in total. Set the tone early, and got KU the lead that they’d need throughout.

4 Stars: Wild Fires

Again, we’ve seen these recently, and any natural disaster that picks up steam as it goes on ranks high in my book. Many times, wild fires start off as a simple discarded cigarette and then go on to destroy millions upon millions of acres. Terrifying.

There is a big drop off from the performances of the two above to the other participants. No one else even reached wild fire status.

3.5 Stars: Flooding/Mud Slides

This seems to be an issue in rocky and mountainous areas more than on the plains, but if you’ve ever seen video of a car or building being swept away by water, you’ll know that you don’t want anything to do with these.

Devonte Graham. Shot the ball poorly and forced up some shots that shouldn’t have been taken, but his nine assists moves him to this spot in the ratings. He also showed some leadership out there that appeared to spur Malik Newman on.

3 Stars: Tornadoes

Tornadoes, or as they’re called in Iowa, cyclones, are terrifying, but here’s the thing, unless they come in the middle of the night, shelter is usually easy to find. Plus, they travel on a pretty narrow path (some exceptions exist like the Greensburg, KS tornado for example), but the damage is usually in a confined location. Don’t get me wrong, they are terrifying, but compared to the destructive storms above, tornadoes seem tame.

Udoka Azubuike Played 29 minutes and when they fed him the ball, he was usually pretty potent. Why didn’t he get the ball more? Not his fault there. His defending needs some work though.

Marcus Garrett. Nailed a three and passed to others. Offensively, that’s what you want from Marcus.

2 Stars: Volcano Exploding

Usually, you get plenty of advance warning when a volcano is about to erupt. The soot and ash are terrible, but the slow lava flow seems pretty avoidable.

Mitch Lightfoot. Didn’t play much after his best performance on Saturday. I was expecting more against this Iowa State team.

1 Star: A Gusty Wind

I had to pick something less frightening for the one-star choice. Heat waves are serious, drought is a huge problem, so I opted for a significant wind.

Luckily, no Kansas player was as lame (from a destructive storm standpoint) as a gusty wind


Sam Cunliffe. When Sam came in and committed a stupid foul in a nanosecond, I thought it was hilarious that upon returning to the bench immediately, he received a towel. Must’ve been to wipe off the opponent’s sweat that transferred to his fouling arm.

You guys have been great with the suggestions. Keep them up, and as always, tell me why I’m wrong.