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Predicting Kansas Football's Record

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Are you pessimistic about this year's Jayhawks? Pshaw! The 2014 Jayhawks will win the national title. Here's why

Kevin Jairaj-USA TODAY Sports

On August 18, FOX Sports' David Ubben predicted Kansas would finish 1-11. 1-11! I'll have you know our starting quarterback completed almost 40% of his passes last year, sir. Plus we have a linebacker with a sweet beard. Embrace our eventual dominance.

It is no secret that I am more of a basketball guy (and soccer, and hockey, and cricket) but I happen to know a thing or two about the game of football. I am also secretly very good at predicting things. So I thought why not take a stab at KU's record this year?

Southeast Missouri State - September 6th, 6 PM

SEMO is a 1-AA school and we are playing them at home. We would never lose to a 1-AA school at home. Next.

at Duke - September 13th, 2:30 p.m.

I've literally never heard of a 2:30 start time but anyways, Duke has a new offensive coordinator and is primarily a basketball school, which as we all know is no way to win a football game against anybody. 2-0 baby!

Central Michigan - September 20th

The Chippewas struggled defensively last year, giving up at least 30 points six times. I'm not sure how I'll react to a KU football team actually scoring points, but we'll find out. 3-0.

Texas - September 27th

Texas has a new coach, and is maybe breaking in a new starting quarterback? I didn't think to research that. Anyways, it's early enough in the season to where Kansas can totally still take teams by surprise and will do so here. 4-0

at West Virginia - October 4th

KU beat West Virginia last year, so I see no reason why they won't do so again. Simple. 5-0

Oklahoma State - October 11th

This is where it gets tough. Obviously Oklahoma State is a great team. KU's only hope seems to be that people from Stillwater will be so blown away by actual civilization and the horseless carriages and talking pictures that they'll be afraid of football and Kansas will win. Bam. 6-0.

at Texas Tech - October 18th

18,000: both the number of points Kansas will score and the number of times I'll have to hear from my girlfriend that she prefers Kliff Kingsbury to me. 7-0

at Baylor - November 1st

Baylor inexplicably lost to Oklahoma State last year while on their way to seemingly rolling to a conference title. Then they lost to Central Florida (Central Florida!) in the Fiesta Bowl. We have to be better than Central Florida, so ergo we are better than Baylor. 8-0.

Iowa State - November 8th

All I want to know is after we beat Iowa State will ESPN show Fred Hoiberg's kid crying again? That was the best. 9-0.

TCU - November 15th

The basketball team (of 2012-13) must be avenged, and what better way to do so here in what could clinch the Big 12 title for the Jayhawks. Additionally, this is a team Kansas could actually beat so let's just stop here. 10-0

at Oklahoma - November 22nd

If the TCU win doesn't clinch things, this one will. Oklahoma recently suspended Freshman Joe Mixon for allegedly punching a woman in the face (good for them by the way) which will leave them with a weak ground game. Plus, they're currently on pace to suspend one player for the season every couple days, so will they even have enough players to play the game by this time? Probably not. 11-0

at Kansas State - November 29th

I have never heard of this team we're supposed to be playing, so I can only assume Kansas will win. Perfect season 12-0 woo!