A Deeper Look: University of Texas-El Paso

In what will hopefully become a weekly feature, A Deeper Look will focus on some non-football aspects of each university Kansas takes on. It's kind of a copy of ghtd36's series he did over at Rock M Nation for most of their opponents, but not really. Basically, the goal is to make you learn at least something about the university and football program, not team, that you didn't know before. I tried my hardest to make it funny, but I'm not really a comedy writer. So, there's a decent chance it is stupid. Apologies in advance.

Week One -- Northern Colorado

 The University of Texas-El Paso, unlike our good friend UNoCo, is known in the world. Also, as far as I know, none of the readers here at RCT had relatives who played QB in the mid-90s. So, yeah, I think that's a positive. With that said, let's get right on down to the perhaps-it's-funny stuff. You are all familiar with the general premise of the school. And that's enough for me.

1) Let's get this thing started on the right foot, with some history. Obviously, in the early 1900's, the legislators didn't really have a high opinion of these college-type-things, and so they gave them terrible, hideous names. See, UTEP (unlike UNoCo, we will just be sticking to the standard UTEP; no other rivals use the acronym UTEP, so we are safe there) was originally titled The Texas State School of Mines and Metallurgy. No lie. It was created as a school for miners. Not really sure why you needed a school for that, but hey, Chris Cooper in October Sky needed to learn how to mine correctly while being a total hardass somewhere.

That's about it for the funny names, though. It was then changed into Texas Western University, which is informative (it is in the western region of Texas) without being too obtrusive. I like it. And then, they had to ruin it by just conforming to the University of Texas system, and ruining all of its originality, perceived or not. Texas Western sounds like you are all alone, like you are some hick in the middle of nowhere that is proud of your school. Now, hell, no one even knows where El Paso is. Oh, wait, I know, it's in the western tip of Texas. It really isn't even in Texas. So then, you have all of these people questioning your Texas legitimacy, and it's all because trying to fit in with the Longhorns. Bad choice, Miners. Bad choice.

2) Speaking of the Miners, that would be their nickname. Their mascot? Uh, well, yeah, that would be an interesting story. See, back in the 1960's, there was no official mascot. And so the students got together and formed Clyde, who according to the Dean was "sorry-looking, pot-bellied creature, not fit to represent the Miners." Uh, yeah, ouch. I'm the Dean, and I won't give you a mascot using real funds, but I will belittle yours. Jerk. However, this Dean, Dean Joseph Ray, decided to improve upon the mascot and release a new one. Out came Paydirt Pete. Yes. Paydirt Pete. Let me say it one more time. Pay. Dirt. Pete. Now, they couldn't get this one right, either.

They first created this really sweet-looking, nice-enough-to-be-your-uncle "Sweet Pito". He wasn't a big enough jerk, though, so they brought a new Paydirt Pete. He didn't look mean enough, so let's change it, but the name is stellar, so let's keep it. That's some really smart thinking. Maybe somebody has inhaled a little too much coal and metallurgy in their time. Hmm? This Pete fellow used to be a heavy smoker, as the pipe remained in his mouth at all times, but they realized this probably sent a terrible message to the children of El Paso (all 18 of them), and so they got rid of it. You might say that's a lot of work, just for a mascot. And I would reply that I know it's way too much work. But hey, if it turned out well, it's okay. All's well that ends well.

Uh...

Sound familiar? It most likely does. That would be because, uh, it is the alma mater at the University of Texas-Austin. Yes. Those Miners (and metallurgy!) can't even come up with a fight song of their own. They just stole one.

I guess, because they wanted some form of individuality or something, they decided to come up with a fight song that was distinctly theirs. When reading through the lyrics, it's quite obvious it will never be copied. Ever. I don't want to get into too much detail, but at one point they scream out (it's in ALL CAPS, so I'm assuming that applies some sort of Miner yell): "GO COLLEGE OF MINES!". You can't make that up.

They yell out "GO COLLEGE OF MINES!". Just like that. I don't know why you would refer to yourself that way, but okay. That's like being proud because you are the only school who offers a degree in Microsoft Word. I mean, yeah, I'm so glad that you formed an instituion of higher learning to teach people how to go underground and pick at things with a pickaxe. Congrats. More importantly, make sure nobody ever forgets it, by inserting it into your school fight song. Bravo.

4) Yay! Famous Alumni time. It's time for me to save the post. This is my favorite part, because it's the easiest to make funny. The people supply the humour. And yes, there is a "u" in humour. Get over it, Warden.

Tim Hardaway, ex-NBA player and professed hater of homosexuals. At leas they teach diversity.

Ed Hochuli, the most famous NFL referee in the world. Whether it's for his MASSIVE MUSCLES (say it in an Ahnold voice, and it works better) or him screwing over the Chargers, nobody is quite sure.

Middle row, far left (one with the really creepy mustache) would be Bob O'Rear, a co-founder of Microsoft and UTEP alum. Maybe it is the College of Microsoft Word!

Nolan Richardson is an ex-Miner. I suppose he got the term "40 Minutes of Hell" from the required coursework down in the mines. Or, better yet -- living in El Paso any given 40 minutes. It's hot enough to be Hell.

5) So, on the front page of UTEP's football page, there is a big picture, with the subheading: "UTEP's head coach discussed the season-opening loss to Buffalo on Monday while looking ahead to this weekend's matchup with Kansas". Pretty standard stuff, definitely. This is the big picture in the background: