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The Weekend Mauling: 6.10.2023
I give you our 39th president, jimmy Carter.
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The Daily Mauling: 6.9.2023
Uh, look, it’s just an old, creaky mirror. You know, sometimes it sounds a little like it’s sneezing... or coughing or talking softly.
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Kansas to Tip off Big 12 Mexico in 2024
Kansas will play Houston in an international expansion
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The Daily Mauling: 6.8.2023
At 3pm Friday, local autocrat C. Montgomery Burns was shot, following a tense confrontation at town hall. Burns was rushed to a nearby hospital, where he was pronounced dead. He was then transferred to a better hospital, where doctors upgraded his condition to alive.
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The Daily Mauling: 6.7.2023
This reminds me of the movie Fame and to a lesser extent, the TV series which was also called Fame.
The Latest
The Daily Mauling: 6.6.2023
Dental plan! Lisa needs braces. Dental plan! Lisa needs braces. Dental plan! Lisa needs braces.
The Daily Mauling: 6.5.2023
Beaten by an infant. What could be more humiliating? What a scoop!
The Weekend Mauling: 6.3.2023
I’ve gone back to the time when dinosaurs weren’t just confined to zoos.
The Daily Mauling: 6.2.2023
Okay. Memorize these funny place names: Walla Walla, Keokuk, Cucamonga... Seattle.
The Daily Mauling: 6.1.2023
Aww. Nothing gets chocolate out. See?
The Daily Mauling: 5.31.2023
Things have changed. There will be no mockery of your name, Mr. Glasscock.
The Daily Mauling: 5.30.2023
America isn’t interested in space exploration anymore. Maybe we should finally tell them the big secret— that all the chimps we sent into space came back superintelligent.
The Labor Day Weekend Mauling: 5.27.2023
Well, I’d rather they say "Death From Above" but I guess we’re stuck.
The Daily Mauling: 5.26.2023
Flames? Searing pain? A black cat? I must be in heaven…
The Daily Mauling: 5.25.2023
Oh, you’d better be careful. The purpose of this game is to make friends. You don’t make friends by winning. Still, there’s nothing more popular than a gracious winner. Don’t ask me. I’m just hair. Your head stopped 18 inches ago.
The Daily Mauling: 5.24.2023
Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such films as The Greatest Story Ever Hulaed and They Came to Burgle Carnegie Hall.
The Daily Mauling: 5.23.2023
All I remember about the last two months... is giving a guest lecture at Villanova. Or maybe it was a street corner.
The Daily Mauling: 5.22.2023
Marge, it’s too late. The boy’s 10 years old. Let’s focus our energy on Lisa and the other one.
The Daily Mauling: 5.19.2023
You gotta start selling this for more than a dollar a bag. We lost four more men on this expedition.
The Daily Mauling: 5.18.2023
Don’t worry, Son. If that bothers you, I’ll destroy something Maggie loves.
The Daily Mauling: 5.17.2023
Ivanhoe is the story of a Russian farmer and his tool.
Parker Braun Will Transfer to Kansas
Yes, he is Christian Braun’s brother
The Daily Mauling: 5.16.2023
Oh! This gun cost me everything- my wife, my kids. Everything but my precious, precious gun.
The Daily Mauling: 5.15.2023
Okay, folks, look, I called the police captain in Shelbyville. He says he hasn’t seen our kids. But if they show up in the morgue, he’s gonna fax us.
The Weekend Mauling: 5.13.2023
Well, I didn’t think I was rehabilitated, but I guess they needed the extra bed.
The Daily Mauling: 5.12.2023
Dogs always land on their feet.
The Daily Mauling: 5.11.2023
Hey, wait! I’m okay today. My Mom bought me deodorant.
Women’s Golf NCAA Regional Day 3
KU shots their best round, but misses out on championship tournament
The Daily Mauling: 5.10.2023
Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city. He is the cancer, and I am the... uh, what cures cancer?
Women’s Golf NCAA Regional Day 2
Georgia leads the regional by 10 strokes
The Daily Mauling: 5.9.2023
I’ve never gotten a "B" before. How could this have happened? I feel so dirty! The dirt’s not coming off!
Women’s Golf NCAA Regional Day 1
They are playing in Athens
The Daily Mauling: 5.8.2023
A poem by Hans Moleman. I think that I shall never see. My cataracts are blinding me.
The Weekend Mauling: 5.6.2023
If I didn’t have this gun, the king of England... could just walk in here anytime he wants and start shoving you around. Do you want that? Huh? Do you?
The Daily Mauling: 5.5.2023
Tell me, how do you feel about 45-year-old virgins who still live with their parents?