FanPost

Adventures of Bruce & Drew: Vol 4

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[Author's note: I am officially bad at Photoshop/Paint, whatever, so the above efforts and those following are to be appreciated for what they are and not criticized for what they are not. Thank you. Without further ado, by popular demand, here is Vol 4: Bruce & Drew Go To Sonic]

*Scene: a Sonic somewhere in in the Midwest... A Sonic in Oklahoma... in Oklahoma City. The Oklahoma City Sonic, located at 208 Johnny Bench Drive OKC, OK 73104, which is directly across from its corporate headquarters and is right along the Bricktown 'river walk.' They have inside seating and everything -- it's pretty cool actually.*

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"Hey, Bruce. Thanks for meeting me here at the world's only Sonic restaurant with indoor seating and publicly available restrooms. Isn't this the coolest [expletive] you've ever seen?"

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(looking at the neon signs and stuff) "Oh... Shiiiiiiiiiiiiny."

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"Focus up, man. Now, since it's Happy Hour, we have to get as many drink combinations as we can. Even though we're both multi-millionaires and successful public figures, half-price beverages, slushies, and limeades are nothing to stick your nose up at."

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(in a whiny childish voice) "I WANT A PURPLE SPRITE!"

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"A purple Sprite? I... don't think that's a thing, Bruce."

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"YES, IT IS!! THEY MAKE PURPLE SPRITES FOR ME IN MANHATTAN ALL THE TIME!"

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"Well... I guess it can't help to ask. How hard could it be to make a Sprite purple?"

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"Yaaaaaaaaaay!" (stamping and clapping) "PURPLE SPRITE! PURPLE SPRITE! PURPLE SPRITE!"

*the two coaches approach the counter... yeah, they actually have those at this Sonic... Oh, you don't believe me? Well, why don't you just go there, then??*

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"Welcome to Sonic, where you can do it your way, but don't get crazy."

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"Yeah, hi... miss...? We wondered if you guys have something called a Purple Sprite?"

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(to the Sonic employee) "Also, has anyone ever told you that you're really pretty?"

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??? TF just happened??? Does he not recognize me?

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(about Bruce) Just let it go, Drew... Just let it go.

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"Yes, sir, we do have a Purple Sprite. It's one of our 'secret menu' items. It's just Sprite mixed with lemonade, Powerade, and cranberry juice. You should be able to get it at any Sonic location."

*Sonic employee looks directly at camera, like on the Office*

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(aside) "Serving half-priced drinks, slushies, and limeades during Happy Hour from 2 to 4. And half-priced apps and shakes after 10 p.m., but only in the summer."

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"Yaaaaaaaaaay!" (stamping and clapping) "PURPLE SPRITE! PURPLE SPRITE! PURPLE SPRITE!"

*The Sonic employee hands Bruce Weber a purple Sprite and whatever Scott Drew ordered for himself... IDK, like one of those mini coneys or something. Who cares?*

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(in a voice that sounds like he is too hyped up on screamo music) "Yeah!!! PURPLE SPRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITE!!"

*Bruce drinks his purple Sprite and runs back to the booth*

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"Hey, Travis, nice outfit. What's it made of?"

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"YOUR MOM'S CHEST HAIR!!"

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"Ooooooh, really? Is that what you think, because --"

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"Eeeeeeeeeeexcuuuuuze me, I have been waiting to order for the LAST. FIVE. MINUTES! So, get your little man-child friend and, as we liked to say in Low-easy-ana... (snaps ferociously) GET. TO. GETTIN'!"

*an awkward moment of silence as the three coaches all recognize each other... only to be broken by...*

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"Yaaaaaaaaaay!" (stamping and clapping) "PURPLE SPRITE! PURPLE SPRITE! PURPLE SPRITE!"

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"Can we all agree to forget this ever happened?"

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"God, I wish I could. There are some things a man can never un-live, not matter how bad he wants to."