And parity strikes again. After this week, there are three teams tied for first. There are five teams tied for last. It should be an entertaining finish – and a stressful finish for almost half of the league. Instead of breaking ties by going with Points For, from here on out I’ll follow the Overall League Rank as determined by FleaFlicker.
Gentlemen, we have brand new teams at both the top and bottom of the league.
The Cream of the Crop: Glengarry Glenn Dorsey
The Bottom of the Barrel: Mantis Shrimp Murder Sticks
Red Alert: The Wheat Farmers, Dante’s Afro, Papa Wheelie’s Boys, The Jayshox, Mantis Shrimp Murder Sticks
Warp core fluctuating: The Pinkys, Denver Fax Machines, Hip Hops Team, Sharknadoes, Rock Chalk Tupac
Ship out of danger: Glengarry Glenn Dorsey, Land Crab, Fighting 5.7s, The Anti-Dentites. Minus the Dentites, these teams have all clinched playoff spots.
With just two weeks of the regular season left, I can say that those who are "out of danger" are definitely "out of danger." However, anyone else could potentially claim the dreaded bottom of the barrel. Time to get an honest opinion on all our teams from someone who I know we all respect, Warden11, of RockChalkTalk.com. I trust Warden will bring his world renowned unabashed honestly and let our fantasy owners know exactly where they stand. Warden does not have a team in this league, but is willing to provide an expert outsider's view at our league.
mv: Welcome Warden. Let me start off by asking – Why did you agree to be here? Will you be providing Kool-Aid to our owners? Will you be taking some cheaps shots? What’s your angle?
W: Cheap shots? No. Truth shots? Yes. For example, last week fizzle was on here and talking about winning the league. Pretty sure he lives in the Yukon Territory and I’m pretty sure they don’t get Internet after Thanksgiving. How the hell is he going to set his lineup each week without Internet? Please. That’s the truth.
mv: Why don’t you have a team in the league this year?
W: A couple things have pushed me away from fantasy football over the last couple of years. The biggest part is probably just a lack of interest in the NFL, fantasy football was really the only reason I paid attention. Then I had a season where my team scored the most points in the league but didn’t make the playoffs, everyone seemed to have Drew Brees at QB and Calvin Johnson at WR the week I played them. That pissed me off, so I took my ball and went home. Looks like I was the opposite of the 5.7s, lucky bastards like that take the fun out of it.
mv: Well, we all know you’re an expert in everything KU. Let’s test your NFL knowledge. Who is Drew Brees backup in New Orleans?
W: Chris Everett
mv: Well... I'm pretty sure it's Luke McCown, but six of one, half dozen of the other, right? Anyway. Let’s begin. (Last week's ranking in parentheses.)
1 (2). Glengarry Glenn Dorsey (8-3)
W: An amazing run is good but is it because he gets the good leads or does he have brass balls? To keep the run going, GGD better be chugging the coffee. Coffee isn’t for closers, coffee allows closers to function.
2 (1). Land Crab (8-3)
mv: Land Crab has been in first since what, Week 2? I think that’s right. Anyway, they aren’t used to looking up at anyone in the standings, that’s for sure. They’re very reliant on the Denver Broncos with Peyton Manning, Wes Welker, and Matt Prater. Welker apparently has a concussion. As the weather turns cold, will the Broncos’ – and the Land Crab – point production suffer?
W: It will most definitely suffer although the name could provide a clue to their ability. Land crabs reminds me of two things, the kind we don’t want to talk about…and lice. The one thing I have learned from working in a school is that lice is tenacious, it just doesn’t go away. If the Land Crabs can keep that tenacity, the cold weather might not have much of an impact.
3 (4). Fighting 5.7s (8-3)
mv: Well well, here we are already to everybody’s favorite K-State lover. This team hasn’t finished in the top 4 in any given week in scoring, yet, here they are. Please explain this to me.
W: K-State lover and luck? Get outta here. It’s ok though because being tied to K-State beyond football season is a recipe for disaster as history has proven over the last 25 years. Look for the 5.7s to follow Weber’s lead and take a big dive as the season winds down. They’re likely to be staring dumbfounded into space as the deadline to set the weekly roster passes only to act shocked that hitting submit after the deadline doesn’t work.
4 (2). The Anti-Dentites (7-4)
mv: The Dentites just suffered what I’m sure was a soul-crushing defeat at the hands of the Wheat Farmers this past week. Can they recover and clinch a playoff spot next week? A HUGE showdown with the league’s hottest team, Glengarry Glenn Dorsey, looms.
W: If the Internet hasn’t been taken out by a glacier or a blizzard, I like what they have going this week. Going out on a limb, big fan of this team this week.
5 (5). The Pinkys (6-5) mv: Carson Palmer turned out to be a great bye-week pickup for The Pinkys. Can Palmer or Tony Romo lead this team to the playoffs? Here’s guessing Bobby Rainey starts over Steven Jackson next week.
W: Tough week for the Pinkys. Who in the world wants to be the Pinky’s? The weakest of all the metas of the body? Do they do anything but add a touch of balance when you’re getting chased and spanked? But come on, Tony Romo at New York? That has 3 interceptions written all over it.
6 (7). Denver Fax Machines (5-6)
mv: Matt Ryan continues his uninspiring play, but DFM cruised this past week, knocking Land Crab out of first place. It’s not good when your third highest scorer is a kicker, but it worked last week. Can Adrian Peterson and Giovanni Bernard get this team turned around and clinch a playoff spot?
W: Time’s running out for this team just like it is for fax machines. What’s your first reaction when receiving a fax? Mine is trying to figure out why the hell somebody sends me something I can barely read when they could have saved a tree and sent me a copy that I can read through email. Quit hanging on to the past.
7 (6). Hip Hops Team (5-6)
mv: HHT just lost a heartbreaker to Fighting 5.7s. They are among the cluster of teams at 5-6 who need to win out for a shot at getting a playoff berth. They say all you need is a chip and a chair…
W: Hip Hop is alive and well, look for a big week from Fitzgerald to carry them back to .500. After that, a bit of a fall is predicted by the crystal ball.
8 (11). Sharknadoes (5-6)
W: Because Sharknadoes are a flash in the pan. Can’t name your team after something that is cool for a week and then disappears, this might be worse than calling yourself a fax machine. It shows you want to understand the world in 2013 but really don’t have a clue. If I chose this name, I’d quit out of shame.
9 (8). Rock Chalk Tupac (5-6)
mv: The "Drew Brees Revenge Tour" seems to be back on track with Tupac winning two games in a row now. It’s good timing, too, as a road trip to visit the Fighting 5.7s looms next week.
W: As Tupac says, "I aint a killer but dont push me, revenge is like the sweetest joy next to getting *****". Time to put the 5.7s back in their place. mv: And now we’re down to the really interesting part. These last five teams are all 4-7. Wins in the next two weeks will be extremely precious. Help our owners avoid the bottom of the barrel and the shame of defeat.
10 (13). The Wheat Farmers (4-7)
mv: There we go, this is the Wheat Farmer team we’ve been waiting all year! However, a dominating performance versus the Dentites wasn’t enough to move the Wheat Farmers out of danger. Is this a case of "just win, baby"? Can the Farmers expect any more repeat performances in the next two weeks?
W: Know what’s working hard right now? Winter wheat. It’s already in the ground and now the wheat farmers have some time actually set a roster and find the right matchups. Look out for this team over the next couple of weeks, farmers are scary when they get time on their hands. They get frisky. It’s no coincidence that more births happen in July, August, and September than the other months in Kansas. Count back 9 months and you get to now. After the lovin’, these guys are working on their roster instead of cuddling. You don’t want to be an opponent of the farmers these days.
11 (14). Dante’s Afro (4-7)
mv: DA stepped up and knocked off Papa Wheelie’s Boys this past week, and in the process, moved themselves away from the bottom of the league. Can they sustain the momentum? Most guests have claimed DA as the worst team in the league.
W: Clearly the worst team in the league although the Patriots do get the donkeys this week, a shootout and they’re in business. More of the luck that keeps me away from fantasy football.
12 (9). Papa Wheelie’s Boys (4-7)
mv: PWB is dealing with a lot of injuries, notably, Aaron Rodgers and Darren McFadden. Not helping matters, PWB is on a four game slide. Are Ben Roethlisberger and Lamar Miller good enough to stave off last place?
W: Injuries might be more frustrating than continually getting everyone’s best week. After experiencing the injury bug you really start to understand what GMs and coaches deal with in the real world when injuries happen. A few key injuries and an entire year can be shot, lets hope we don’t have to deal with that reality over the next couple of months.
13 (10). The Jayshox (4-7)
mv: The Jayshox have been flirting with the bottom of the league for most of the year. Philip Rivers is having a bounceback year. It’s not often you see a fantasy football team start two tight ends, but when you have Rob Gronkowski and Vernon Davis, why not, right?
W: I hope the Jayshox have a second option for QB because I would not want to roll into this weekend with Rivers by my side. Trying to win a fantasy week with 5 points from the quarterback takes a miracle.
14 (12). Mantis Shrimp Murder Sticks (4-7)
mv: MSMS is on a five game spiral, and that has landed them here. Apparently that loss to the Wheat Farmers back in Week 7 did a real number on these guys. Can they do anything to get out of last place?
W: Lets just say they better get in front of the mirror and start practicing.
mv: Alright, Warden, thanks for your time. Any final thoughts on the league? Who will win the championship? And who will be immortalized in a dancing .gif?
W: Mantis Shrimp Murder Sticks is dancing. Just ugly. Keep up the great work on the recaps and good luck to all participating in the league.
mv: Any other final thoughts? Any crazy KU football or basketball predictions?
W: I don’t like the way this week feels heading into Iowa State. For basketball, 15-1 with a loss at Norman. This year’s team is a group of guys that aren’t going to let others dictate what happens on the court, especially in big games. We sweep Oklahoma State and remind them of their place. We kick the dog out of Iowa State in Lawrence and win by 7 in Ames. K-State loses by a combined 48 points.
Going streaking: Glengarry Glenn Dorsey, seven wins in a row
Going sliding: Mantis Shrimp Murder Sticks, five losses in a row Lots of big scorers this week:
Fantasy player of the week: Ben Roethlisberger, 40.55 points
Bobby Rainey (benched), 39.7 points
Carson Palmer, 35.65 Calvin Johnson, 32.9 Michael Floyd (benched), 30.3
Fantasy owner of the week: The Wheat Farmers and Glengarry Glenn Dorsey, 100%
Fantasy owner of the weak: The Pinkys, 71%