This is not my work, but still very funny. My brother (another embarassed Jayhawk) sent it to me....it's making the rounds quickly.
October 15, 2010
University at Buffalo
Athletic Director / Warde Manuel
102 Alumni Area
Good morning Sir, I’m sure that today is a blissful and sunny day in your office, as well I’m sure everyday has been since the departure of coach Turner Gill from your Athletic Program.
I am sending you this letter and notification in response to a recent transaction that took place in the December 2009 timeframe. In this transaction, the University at Buffalo Athletic Department released one football coach at the time Turner Gill, “Lemon” of his services to the University at Buffalo to pursue other services at the University of Kansas.
I am currently reaching out to local legal counsel at the esteemed University of Kansas Law School on the possible legal remedy that the University of Kansas Athletics Dept may have in regards to the New York Lemon Law. Upon a quick overview of the statue, commonly called the Magnuson-Moss Warranty Act, we see there is clear legal precedence to reimburse the University of Kansas for the services that were failed to be provided by one Turner Gill, “Lemon”. According to the most recent publications, Federal Law stipulates that if a product which can include computer, car or service that has suffered multiple repair attempts, has failed to return to expected performance levels of a new product it can be deemed a “Lemon” and will be reimbursed for in one of the possible solutions noted. We are using the North Dakota State, Baylor, and Kansas State games as exhibits 1, 2 of 3 of possible repair attempts that failed to remedy the malfunctioning product/service.
We will be sending you official notification quickly of how we plan to proceed in regards to reimbursement for the services provided by one head football coach Turner Gill, “Lemon”. This amount is anticipated to be in the area of $4 million dollars plus the travel and expenses of our ex Athletic Director, one Lew Perkins. Lew only flew in a Gulfstream G650, anything less would’ve been considered an insult for a person in his position. We anticipate a quick and swift turn around from the New York State Federal courts in our favor.
I’m sure you knew that this notice would quickly be coming after the Baylor game, but we wanted to give said” Lemon” another chance, our mistake.
If the New York Federal Courts fail to see our point, and choose not to side on our behalf, we will be most likely removing said “Lemon” from our Athletic Department in hopes of moving him to a smaller Division I college football program, maybe North Iowa University.….